Players Who Really Sucked

I realize that getting to the NFL is a major life accomplishment. I realize all players get hurt, have good and bad days, and some play for losing teams. I also can see when a player has no heart, motivation, self-respect, common sense or desire. So we'll define the Hall of Shame enshrinees in the following categories: Wuss, Whiner, Convict, Quitter, and Waste of Space. Some of the truly deserving will fit into multiple categories. The following guys definitely stunk up the joint during their tenure as Chiefs players:

Bill Kenney

AKA "Ms. Irrelevant"

Queen of the Thumb Injury

Wuss

Where do I start with this chick? When she was drafted in 1979, she was the next to last pick in the entire draft. The last person in the NFL draft is now called "Mr. Irrelevant" and automatically wins a trip to Disney World! In 1983, Ms. Kenney overcame incredible odds to become the first woman to throw for 4,000 yards in an NFL season. Of course, one of the reasons Ms. Kenney threw over 600 times in 1983 was because Joe Delaney drowned in the off season, emasculating the Chiefs' running attack. Ms. Kenney's stellar passing season led the Chiefs to an impressive 6-10 record, good for next to last in the AFC West. Lifetime record as Chiefs "starting QB" is 46-51.She is the Chiefs all-time leader in being sacked (195 times) 2nd to Len Dawson in most interceptions thrown (Dawson played 4 more years), and was quarterback when the Chiefs set their all time record for most games lost in a row -nine- in 1987. Ms. Kenney helped the Chiefs lose every road game in 1985, on the way to another 6-10 season. If the Chiefs didn't have a great defense with players like Bill Maas, Albert Lewis and Art Still, the losing during Ms. Kenney's tenure would have been much uglier. When Ms. Kenney finally did get the Chiefs to a Wild Card Playoff game in 1986, she was a pathetic 8 of 16 for 97 yards and no touchdowns. Why is Ms. Kenney such a wuss? She was queen of the eight yard pass on 3rd and 10; great at building meaningless "garbage time" stats; and would never, ever come through in the clutch. On more than one occasion from our seats in the front row behind the bench, we'd see Ms. Kenney come off the field after her fourth-in-a-row-three-and-out series with a big smile on her face. The other offensive players on the bench would avoid her like the plague. The defense or special teams often would have to score to give the Chiefs a chance to win; hence the rise of Frank "Crash" Gansz, king of the punt blockers and eventual worst Chiefs Head Coach of all time. While other players would manage to play with injury, Ms. Kenney missed huge chunks of several regular seasons with borderline injuries like sprained thumbs or "neck burners." In 1983 the Chiefs spent their highest draft pick in years on a protege, Todd Blackledge; who under Ms. Kenney's tutelage ended up just like her. Believe it or not, after the NFL she served as a Missouri State Senator, touting her "leadership skills" with the Chiefs as a selling point in campaign literature. I call it the Peter Principle in action. Now she's a real estate schmoozer, contributing to suburban sprawl in Lee's Summit.

Todd Blackledge

AKA "Todd Sackledge"

"Oh, What Should Have Been."

Waste of Space

It's not really Todd's fault. The Chiefs have never, ever drafted and developed a quarterback. Dawson, Montana, DeBerg, Kreig, Grbac, Green, Huard, Cassel, all came from somewhere else. Fuller, Elkins, McManus, Jaynes, Carlson, Woods, Blundin, Stenstrom and Barnes were all drafted and flamed out. So it's really not hard to believe that Blackledge would suck. He was the 7th overall selection in the 1983 draft; and the Chiefs could have had four future Hall of Fame players who were taken that year in the first round after Ol' Sackledge: Jim Kelly, Dan Marino, Bruce Mathews and Darrell Green. Todd had good credentials; led his Penn State team to a National Championship, had good size, reasonable intelligence and a good throwing arm. He just didn't have NFL talent. He lasted five seasons with KC, threw 32 picks - 6 in one game against LA Rams in 1985. Of all the QBs taken in the first round in 1983, he was the first to flame out. He shouldn't feel bad. Its been more than 25 years since that draft, and the Chiefs STILL haven't drafted and developed a top line starting QB. Todd has had a much better post NFL life as a college football color man, and does a fine job on big time NCAA football games. And he gets lots of free meals.

Steve Bono

AKA "OhNo"

"I Felt Pretty Good."

Waste of Space

King Carl always had a woody for San Francisco QBs. When Joe Montana retired in 1994, it seemed logical to replace one San Francisco QB with another. Unfortunately, the replacement wasn't Steve Young, it was Steve Bono. When OhNo was interviewed about leaving the Golden Gate City for Cowtown, he said "The worst restaurant in San Francisco is better than the best restaurant in Kansas City." He says this about a city that has 78,000 people outside the stadium before every game, COOKING. So OhNo was off to a flying start. Similar to Ms. Kenney from the 1980s, OhNo was backed by one of the NFL's strongest defenses, with players like Neil Smith, Derrick Thomas and Dale Carter all in their prime. The Chiefs had one of their best seasons ever in 1995, going 13-3 and winning the AFC West title. The Chiefs got a first round bye in the playoffs, and home field advantage for the entire playoffs. Then the Colts came to Arrowhead on a freezing cold January day. It was 8 degrees at game time, and it had snowed the day before, so the stands were especially frigid. Bono, a career journeyman, playing in his first meaningful assignment as a starting QB in a playoff game, went 11 for 25 for 122 yards, one touchdown and three picks. Marty finally saw the handwriting on the wall and benched OhNo, and brought in Rich Gannon with four minutes left in the fourth quarter, trailing 10 -7. Gannon went 5 for 8 for 30 yards, and set up Blowfish Hall of Shamer Lin Elliott for a potential game tying field goal with 42 seconds left in regulation. Elliott whiffed on his third attempt of the day, and the season was history. Except for the 1971 Christmas Day Double Overtime playoff loss to Miami and loss to Green Bay in Super Bowl I, it was the darkest day in Chiefs history. After the game, reporters asked OhNo whether he deserved to be benched. He shook his head and said "I felt pretty good out there today." The next season, OhNo was shipped out and ended up as a bench jockey in Green Bay. After two more bench riding stops in St. Louis and Carolina, he was out of the NFL in 1999. The bad news in KC was his replacement by yet another San Francisco reject, Elvis Grbac.

Elvis Grbac

AKA "I Can't Throw It and Catch It Too."

Wuss, Whiner, Quitter

The worst thing about Elvis is that King Carl chose to give him the big bucks instead of Rich Gannon in 1999. Gannon went on to become an All-Pro QB with the evil Raiders, while Elvis crashed and burned in Kansas City. Elvis was best known for pointing fingers at his teammates and wetting his pants under pressure. After an ugly home loss to Pittsburgh on Monday Night Football in 1998, he explained the loss to reporters by saying "I can't throw the ball and catch it too." In the last KC playoff game (1997 season vs. Denver at Arrowhead), The Chiefs were down by 4 with the ball and 2 minutes left in the game. Elvis ran one of the ugliest two minute drills of all time; constantly looking to the bench, holding his hands up to his ears asking for plays. He simply didn't have the ability to think on his own or improvise. The game ended with a lame, off-target pass at Wide Receiver Lake Dawson, well out of the end zone. The Chiefs lost 14-10. Elvis was so pathetic that he thought changing his number from 11 to 18 would make him a better quarterback. During Elvis' last season as Chiefs QB, he had two defining moments. The first came when he chose to sit out a game against winless San Diego in November, because he had a bruised finger. KC started a geriatric Warren Moon, played like crap and got beat. It was San Diego's only win of the entire 2000 season. A couple of weeks later, KC was on Monday Night Football against New England, who were also in the midst of an awful season. Elvis has a chance to win the game, down by four, on the final two minute drive. But with seconds on the clock and no time outs, he threw a pass over the middle to a double-covered Tony Gonzalez at the six yard line. Gonzalez catches the ball, gets tackled immediately, and the clock runs out, ending the game. After the season, Elvis decides he doesn't want to be a Chief anymore, and takes free agent bucks from the idiotic World Champion Baltimore Ravens, who dump Trent Dilfer, (Super Bowl 2000 winning QB) adding Grbac to their roster. Elvis, in his introductory Ravens press conference, promises to take the World Champs "to a new level." He kept his promise a year later by wetting his pants in the playoffs. In 2002, Elvis flatly refused to re-negotiate his contract, and was cut from the Ravens' roster. He decided to quit rather than re-structure his contract to help Baltimore solve their salary cap problem. He never saw the NFL again. He now enjoys his retirement playing with a giant golf ball and counting his money.

Bam Morris

AKA "Bong Morris"

Convict

Bong Morris had been the Pittsburgh Steelers' leading rusher in the 1996 Super Bowl loss to Dallas. He was busted in 1996 for having six pounds of dope in the trunk of his Mercedes. He told the cops it was his "personal stash." He was put on probation, and went to play for the Baltimore Ravens. In 1998 Bong failed an NFL drug test, had his probation revoked, and was sentenced to ten years in Texas prison. He only did 89 days as his high dollar attorney struck a plea bargain with Texas authorities, saying Bong would clean up his act and never be involved with drugs again. Bong had a cup of coffee with the Chicago Bears, then King Carl traded them a low round draft pick to bring Bong to KC and rehabilitate him. When Bong got to KC, he immediately went to work to re-establish himself...as a dope dealer. Between January 1998 and May 2000, Bong admitted in Federal Court Documents to the importation, possession and attempted sale of more than 200 pounds of marijuana in the Kansas City Metro area. In September 2001, he was returned to Texas to begin serving a ten-year stretch. Party on, Bong. Bong got paroled after half his sentence, and in 2006 signed up to play running back for the NIFL (minor league) football team, the Katy Copperheads. Guess it has to be arena league football. As part of his parole agreement, "Bong" isn't allowed anywhere near natural grass.

Tamarick Vanover

AKA "Would You Buy A Used Car From This Man?"

Convict

When King Carl plucked Vanover from the Canadian Football League with the Chiefs 3rd round draft pick in 1995, it seemed like quite a coup. In 1997, Vanover set the Chiefs single season record for kickoff return yardage with 51 returns for 1,308 yards. From 1995 to 1998, Vanover returned 11 kickoff and punt returns for touchdowns. King Carl got a dangerous punt and kickoff returner in more ways than one. He also got a dangerous guy who hooked himself up with a posse of dope dealers and car thieves. Seven people, including Gregory Burns, Vanover's "personal assistant," were charged in connection with a nationwide car theft ring. A federal indictment in March 2000 said the seven stole up to 50 luxury vehicles, particularly BMWs and Lexuses, from North Carolina. The cars were then retitled in Missouri and sold across the country, according to the indictment. "It's the largest auto vehicle theft case the FBI has been involved in, in this area, in at least a dozen years, in terms of the numbers of vehicles and people involved," Kansas City FBI spokesman Jeff Lanza said. Vanover was linked directly to the ring by the feds when he fenced a stolen SUV for $10,000. The federal charge was assisting in the sale of a stolen 1999 Ford Expedition from a Kansas City dealership and its sale in Tallahassee, Florida. Vanover agreed to cooperate with the Feds in "ongoing matters," which included the investigation of his former "personal assistant" Gregory Burns, who was indicted with three other posse members for distributing cocaine in the Kansas City area. Tamarick ratted out his posse, and his testimony helped put them in prison. In 2002 Mr. Used Car Dealer had a brief stay with Marty Schottenheimer's San Diego Chargers, but couldn't cut the NFL mustard any more. In 2005 Vanover got cut by the New Orleans Voodoo of the AFL (arena league). Latest Vanover sighting was in Lake City, Florida, where Vanover helped host a kid's football camp with Saints (and former Chiefs) receiver Joe Horn in the summer of 2005. In 2006, he was hired by a Lake City Christian School (student body: 75 students) to be head coach of their startup football team. Note to parents: Lock the SUV. Take the keys.

Andre Rison

AKA "Brock Middlebrook"

Convict

Brock came to Kansas City in 1997 after earning a Super Bowl ring with the Green Bay Packers in 1996. He'd also played with the Colts, Falcons, Browns and Jaguars before landing in Kansas City. Upon his arrival, he decided he wanted to be called "Spiderman" instead of his more well known nickname "Bad Moon Rison." Brock got off to a pretty good start, catching 72 passes for over 1,000 yards in 1997. Brock got his nickname from getting into a bar fight in River Falls, Wisconsin, the Chiefs summer training camp hamlet. When Barney Fife, the local cop, showed up and asked Rison for his name, he told Barney "I'm Brock Middlebrook." He might as well have said "I'm Batman!" Brock had prior run-ins with law enforcement, being arrested in April 1997 in Lawrenceville,Ga., for disorderly conduct when he refused to get out of a car after a traffic stop. In November 1999, Brock and Chiefs backup tight end Lonnie Johnson were made inactive for a game against San Diego after their arrests over the weekend. Brock was one of six people arrested for fighting outside a Kansas City nightclub. Police were called to a disturbance outside the "Have A Nice Day Cafe" in Westport. Security guards detained several people before police made the arrests. Six people were taken to police headquarters and booked for disorderly conduct by fighting in public. No further details were released. Hours earlier, Johnson was arrested on charges that he touched the breast of a police officer posing as a prostitute during a sting operation. King Carl said before the Chargers game that the two players were made inactive for "conduct unbecoming a player." When Gunther Cunningham took over as the Chiefs' head coach, he installed a new policy requiring the team to stay together in a hotel the night before a home game. The policy was designed to stop Brock and other Chiefs players from partying in Westport on Saturday night. In February 2000, Brock was charged with felony theft in Olathe, Kansas. Brock was released after posting $2,000 bond on a felony charge of stealing musical equipment. The Johnson County Sheriff's Department said the equipment had been rented, but never returned. The music store had contacted the Chiefs on several occasions to try to keep the matter out of the public record, but Brock forced the store to turn the matter over to the authorities. Despite the fact that Brock made millions as a Chiefs player, he felt it necessary to steal $2,000 worth of musical equipment. In 2001, Brock was released by the Chiefs and went on to join up for a brief stay with his his sixth and final team, the evil Raiders, which of course was a match made in heaven.Now Rison does summer football camps for kids in Michigan and elsewhere.


Victor Riley

AKA "Smack My Bitch Up"

Convict

Chiefs 1998 first round draft pick from Auburn and later a starting tackle, "Smackie" is no longer a Chief. Why? Smackie was suspended for one game for violating the NFL's personal conduct policy, and the Chiefs no longer wanted him around. Why? Because in May 2001, Smackie was accused of ramming his SUV several times into a vehicle occupied by his wife and infant daughter. Why? Because da bitch and her shortie pissed em off, dog. Smackie was charged in Johnson County District Court with felony counts of aggravated assault and criminal damage to property, and misdemeanor counts of child endangerment and leaving the scene of an accident. Smackie entered a diversion program, but the NFL's personal-conduct policy states a player entering a diversion program is still subject to league discipline. Yeah, discipline. You have to sit out a week for trying to kill your wife and kid. Smackie apparently has as much trouble controlling his temper as he does controlling his weight. Sometimes I gets so MFing mad I just gots to ram my family with my Navagator!! And for this the NFL makes him sit out a game? It's a good thing he didn't kill anybody, or he might miss a whole month. In 2002 Smackie signed as a free agent with New Orleans, because in Louisiana it's apparently OK to try to kill your family with an SUV. In 2006, Smackie's last NFL stop was toiling in obscurity with the Houston Texans as a backup lineman.

Mark McMillan

AKA "Mighty Mouth"

Waste of Space

Mark McMillan came to KC to play nickel pass coverage in 1997. He was cut by Mike Ditka in New Orleans in 1996; mostly because "Mighty Mouth" is 5'-7" and 150 lbs soaking wet. Every time an opponent needed a first down, they'd send their tallest receiver at Mighty Mouth, go to the first down stick, turn around, jump up, catch the ball, and voila'...instant first down. In 1998 the Chiefs decided to start Mighty Mouth at cornerback. Players like Tim Brown and Ed McCaffrey used him like a Kleenex. The annoying thing about Mighty Mouth is every time he would actually make a decent play, he would flex, trash talk, hot dog and pander to the camera, even if the Chiefs were getting their asses kicked. Finally, King Carl got tired of watching teams throw over the top of Mighty Mouth and cut him. As of 2008, Mighty Mouth was a juvenile detention officer in Phoenix. He also does radio commentary for Voice America Sports

Carlton Gray

AKA "Sucker Punch"

Wuss, Waste of Space

Carlton Gray had been a starter with the Seattle Seahawks, and had played for the Colts and Giants. He was a free agent in 1999, and King Carl signed him for several million dollars, looking for secondary help after Dale Carter went to Denver and Mighty Mouth was cut. When Gray signed with KC, he suddenly turned into a giant, no-talent wuss. During a training camp scrimmage with the Saints in River Falls, "Sucker Punch" and some other Chiefs defensive players got into a scuffle with a Saints player. While the Saints player was under a pile of Chiefs, Sucker Punch came up and pummeled the player while he was held motionless. His fellow Chiefs teammates couldn't believe what a wuss this guy was. After that incident, he very rarely saw the field except when the Chiefs had injuries and absolutely nobody else was available. During 2000 he was healthy, but inactive, for 12 of 16 regular season games. So "Sucker Punch" raked in the big bucks with his multi-million dollar contract and didn't even have to dress for the majority of the 2000 games. Before the 2001 season, King Carl cut Sucker Punch, who subsequently signed up with the biggest bunch of losers in the NFL, the Cincinnati Bengals. This guy was such a wuss that the Been Gals cut him in training camp. Since 2004 Gray has been the defensive coordinator for Lakota West High School in the Dayton, Ohio area.

Dan Williams

AKA "Couch Potato"

Quitter

Dan Williams was the first round draft pick of the Denver Broncos in 1993. He lasted in Denver four years, missing big chunks of 3 of those 4 years with foot and leg injury problems. In 1997, "Couch Potato" joined the Chiefs as a free agent, as most of the NFL had given up on him. King Carl gave Couch Potato a chance to play, and he played pretty well. He started in six games and had 10 sacks that year. Not bad. Couch Potato had signed a one year deal, and in 1998 wanted a big, fat contract to re-sign. He couldn't come to an agreement with King Carl, and couldn't go free agent; so he sat on his ass, ate Cheez-Its and watched TV the whole 1998 season. In 1999, out of desperation for a pass rush, King Carl agreed to a four year deal with Couch Potato, including $7.8 million in bonus money. Couch Potato came back in 1998, and (surprise) his play got worse every year; down to just 5 sacks in 2000. He also had more "injuries" that affected his availability for games. In October 2001, Coach Vermeil cut Couch Potato outright as he had played in zero games. The cut cost the Chiefs $4.6 million dollars against their 2002 salary cap. After the move, King Carl acknowledged the 1999 decision to re-sign Couch Potato, was "a mistake." Duh!


Eric Warfield and William Bartee

AKA "Toasty and Crispy"

Convict / Wastes of Space

I present Toasty and Crispy as a pair because they're sliced from the same loaf. Neither of these guys can cover their ass cheeks with either hand. The Chiefs have been blessed over the years with amazingly talented cover cornerbacks: Emmit Thomas, Gary Green, Albert Lewis, Kevin Ross, Dale Carter and James Hasty come to mind. These two guys are truly abysmal. "Crispy" Bartee was a second round draft pick out of Oklahoma in 2000. Every time you find an "action shot" of Crispy, he's always in a highlight picture of some other NFL team, chasing somebody who just burned him for a first down. In Crispy's NFL career he's had two sacks and zero interceptions, while giving up countless first downs as the nickel back in third and long situations. In 2002 in the prime of his career, he couldn't beat out a geriatric Ray Crockett for a starting corner position. In 2004 Crispy played sparingly in nickel coverage behind "Oh Dexter" McCleon, who has been known to bear his share of scorch marks too. The Chiefs brass patted themselves on the back for re-signing Crispy for 2004. In 2005 he's was moved to back up safety...so he doesn't have to turn his head. It was either move him to safety, or put side view mirrors on his helmet! Crispy started the 2006 season on the "PUP" list. In Crispy's case, "PUP" means "piss-poor unbelievable pick." Crispy never sniffed the field under Herm, because thankfully Herm knows a thing or two about what playing the defensive secondary is all about.

"Toasty" Warfield is allegedly the more talented of the tandem. A 7th round pick in 1998 from Nebraska, the Chiefs always brag about Toasty's "recovery speed" as a corner. That's important, because Toasty's usually having to recover his pride after being burned for a 50 yard bomb. Like his toaster twin Crispy, most action shots of Toasty appear on other NFL teams highlight pages. In six years, Toasty has one career sack and 15 career interceptions. In 2001 he actually returned a pick for a touchdown. In the wake of that astounding feat, heading into the 2002 season King Carl paid Toasty a FIVE MILLION DOLLAR signing bonus to stay in KC. That's a baffling amount of money to pay for a single sack and one touchdown. Toasty has never been an All-Pro, can't blitz or open field tackle worth spit and will always be an easy mark for elite NFL receivers. Plus he had the cutest, most endearing deer in the headlights look of any pro cornerback. During the 2005 season Toasty served a four game conduct suspension, because he likes to get toasted...three DUI convictions in the past two years! Bud-Weis-Errrrr! In 2006, Herm Edwards decided to go in a more sober direction and cut Toasty, who was signed to a two year deal by the Patriots at veteran minimum and no signing bonus. But alas, Toasty couldn't make the grade anymore, and was cut by the Pats before the season opener. Subsequently, "Toasty" went back to Nebraska in February of 2009. Lincoln police say at 2:41 a.m., Feb. 1st, they stopped "Toasty" going 57 in a 40 mph zone. In court records, the arresting officer said he smelled alcohol on "Toasty" and saw he had bloodshot, watery eyes. "Toasty" showed impairment in field sobriety tests and refused to take a breath test."Toasty" was charges and pleaded guilty in July 2009, and the judge sentenced him to one to three years in prison, revoked his license for 15 years and impounded his vehicles for six months. That's what a fourth DUI will win you in Nebraska. "Toasty" did a year in Lincoln lock down and was paroled in February 2010.

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Junior Siavii

AKA "Junior Salivavii"

Waste of Space

King Carl was smarting when his 2002 first round pick (6th overall pick in the draft) Defensive Tackle Ryan Sims turned into a major bust. So in 2004, the Chiefs traded down with Detroit (who took RB Kevin Jones with the Chiefs' 30th pick) and then scooped up Junior as the 36th overall pick in the 2nd round. Junior was supposed to be the second "granite block" in the middle next to Sims, two huge guys to clog the middle for years. Turns out both Sims and Salivavii were more like fruity pebbles than blocks of granite. Junior had one sack and one fumble recovery in two years. The Chiefs could never depend on Junior's consistency, nor could they keep him healthy with endless ankle and knee problems. Not only that, Junior had some liquor control and anger management issues. During training camp in 2005, Junior and Greg Wesley got into an nasty public altercation in a fancy Minneapolis hotel bar with some locals. Junior assaulted a hotel doorman, and then battled with the cops. When the Minneapolis Police finally got Junior down on the ground, they had to put a spit hood on him to keep the phlegm from flyin'. After that incident and all the ugly press that came with it, Junior was in the Vermeil dog house all year, and he never got out. When new Head Coach Herm Edwards came in, free agent tackles Ron Edwards and James Reed outplayed Sims and make Junior expendable. Herm cut Salivavii without a second thought. Another King Carl draft pick down the drain in two short years. Salivavii sat out of football from 2006 to 2008, and in 2009 re-surfaced with the Dallas Cowboys. In 2010 he is a reserve defensive lineman for Seattle.

Ryan Sims

AKA: "Donut Boy"

Waste of Space

One of the worst draft picks in Chiefs history was Ryan "Donut Boy" Sims. In 2002 the Chiefs had the sixth overall pick in the draft, the highest pick since KC took Derrick Thomas fourth in the 1989 draft. The Chiefs even moved up two spots to pick Sims. The teams swapped positions in the first round, plus Dallas got KC's third round pick in 2002 and a sixth round pick in 2003. The Chiefs moved up to get Sims for two reasons. One, they desperately needed help in the defensive middle to replace Chester McGlocklin. Two, because of raves from North Carolina's head coach John Bunting. Bunting played for Vermeil with the Philadelphia Eagles and for King Carl's USFL Philadelphia Stars. He also coached linebackers a couple years in KC under Marty Schottenheimer. Bunting convinced the Chiefs brass that Sims was every bit as good as his line mate, Julius Peppers, the second overall pick in the 2002 draft. After the Chiefs made the pick, contract talks between King Carl and Sims agent Peter Schaffer stalled .At the beginning of August, King Carl said "We've offered Sims what we think is a very fair contract," G.M. Carl Peterson said. "His agent wants more. Well, there isn't any more. He's either got to be satisfied with what we've offered or wait awhile." Both sides eventually settled on a $9.75 million signing bonus, and Sims waddled into camp ten days before the 2002 home opener. Grandpa Dick told the press Sims "Was fat and out of shape." That he was. He finally made it to the field in game five of the regular season, and was finished for the season the next week with an elbow injury. In 2003 he cracked the starting lineup in Greg Robinson's "32 Defense," but played poorly, often missing tackles and assignments. In 2004 Gunther Cunningham returned to re-build Robinson's putrid "32-Defense." Under Gun, Sims just got worse. In 2005 Sims injured his foot in the home opener against the New York Jets, and played in only six games the whole year. When Herm Edwards arrived in 2006, he saw Sims as lazy, poorly conditioned and expendable.In sixteen games Sims had only four tackles and zero sacks. In the 2007 draft, KC used its second and third picks on defensive linemen Turk McBride and Tank Tyler. On May 1st, Sims was shuffled off to Tampa Bay for a draft pick to be named later. Lifetime stats in six seasons: 59 games, 64 tackles, 5 sacks, 1 interception. The widespread belief amongst Chiefs fans is that $9.75 million signing bonus ruined Sims. Ironically, you'd think he'd no longer be hungry. He was hungry, all right, but not to prove himself as a football player. Sims had no fire or leadership qualities, was easy to block, easy to run over and often injured. Upon being traded to Tampa Bay, Sims blamed his lack of production on everyone else but himself: "Some coaches just believe the more negative you are, you don't have a team of 28 guys trying to get traded for nothing," Sims said. "Every starter there is trying to get out of there. Look at it. Ask Trent Green (traded to the Miami Dolphins) about it. You can just look at the numbers, look at the morale, you tell me. We had the 32nd ranked defense when I got there, it was 32nd for years. Obviously I'm not the only person out there." Yes, but you were drafted sixth in the 2002 draft to be the catalyst to improve that defense. I don't know who to hold more in contempt: Sims, or the boneheads that drafted him.

Larry Johnson

AKA "LJ The Douche Bag"

Convict

King Carl's 2003 first round pick (27th pick overall in the NFL draft) was Penn State running back Larry Johnson. LJ was the Doak Walker award winner in 2002 as the NCAA's best running back, running for more than 2,000 yards at Penn State. King Carl drafted LJ as insurance for Priest Holmes, who had shown a penchant for injury. Johnson was drafted over the objection of head coach Dick Vermeil, who wanted to draft a defensive player. Conflicts between Johnson and Vermeil started immediately, and in 2004 training camp Vermeil said that Johnson needed to "take the diapers off." and grow up as an NFL player. Johnson took great offense to this comment, but the criticism seemed to work, as LJ became the first player to begin his career rushing for 150 yards in each of his first three NFL starts. In 2005 LJ was the Chiefs MVP, rushing for 1,750 yards in one season, including 211 yards vs. the Houston Texans. In 2006 LJ had 416 carries, which at the time was an NFL season record. His efforts in 2005 and 2006 won him back to back trips to the Pro Bowl. LJ's douche baggery off the field has been well documented. He was arrested four times since 2003 on various assault charges against women. In 2003, he was arrested for felony aggravated assault and misdemeanor domestic battery for pointing a gun and threatening his girlfriend during an argument at his home. The charges were dropped when Johnson agreed to participate in a domestic violence diversion program. In 2005, LJ was arrested for assault when a woman accused him of knocking her to the ground, but the case was dropped after the alleged victim failed to appear in court. In 2007, LJ began to gripe about his contract, and said he would sit out training camp unless a new deal was cut. There were rumors LJ would be traded to Green Bay for three draft picks, then King Carl gave LJ a five year contract extension worth $45 million, with $19 million guaranteed money. At the time it was the largest contract ever awarded to a Chiefs player. Because of this huge contract, the Chiefs couldn't afford to keep Jared Allen, who was traded away to Minnesota before the 2008 season. In the fourth game of the 2007 season, LJ had his foot broken on a sideline tackle by Green Bay's AJ Hawk, and he was done for the year. His third arrest for assault came on February 24, 2008, after allegedly pushing a woman at a Kansas City nightclub. When the 2008 season rolled around, Larry was not effective and began complaining in the press about how the Chiefs head coach Herm Edwards was using him. On October 10, 2008, Johnson was arrested for the fourth time and charged with one count of non-aggravated assault for spitting a drink in a woman's face at a Kansas City nightclub. Johnson tried to leave the scene but police officers tackled him -which by that point in his career was pretty easy to do. The woman filed a civil suit against Johnson, accusing him of negligence, assault and battery, intentional infliction of emotional distress and negligent infliction of emotional distress. LJ was suspended for the Chiefs' game against the Tennessee Titans on October 18th for violating team rules. Herm then benched LJ the following game against the New York Jets. After weeks of being inactive for the Chiefs, LJ was suspended by league commissioner Roger Goodell for the Chief's 10th game against the San Diego Chargers. In March 2009, Johnson pleaded guilty to two counts of disturbing the peace and was sentenced to two years probation. During the subsequent 2009 season, new head coach Todd Haley replaced Herm Edwards. That October, LJ stated making "Twitter Tweets" that were pointed insults about Haley. The Chiefs front office immediately "instructed Larry to refrain from practicing with the Chiefs or participating in other team activities" for his Twitter comments. Additionally, LJ reportedly used gay slurs when he addressed the media that week in the locker room. Because of his comments, Johnson encountered backlash from many Gay and Lesbian groups. Johnson's twitter comments about Haley were: "My father's got more creditentials than most of these pro coaches," followed by: "My father played for the coach from 'Rememeber the Titans.' Our coach played golf. My father played for Redskins briefley. Our coach... Nuthn." LJ's tweets were responded to by several Chiefs fans, one tweet including a reference to LJ's ugly Night Club spitting incident. LJ's twitter response called the fan a "fag." When the spam hit the fan, LJ was forced by the Chiefs and his agent to issue a public apology. Johnson offered this prepared statement: "“First of all, I want to apologize to the fans of the Kansas City Chiefs and the rest of the NFL, Commissioner Goodell, the Chiefs organization, Coach Todd Haley, his staff, and my teammates for the words I used yesterday. I regret my actions. The words were used by me in frustration, and they were not appropriate." The Chiefs front office suspended LJ for "conduct detrimental to the club."They ultimately agreed to a deal with LJ's agent where he would only surrender a single game check for $300,000. When all this went down, Johnson was 75 yards from passing Priest Holmes as the franchise's all-time leading rusher. This angered several Chiefs fans, who started a petition demanding that the Chiefs cut LJ loose before he could break the record. On November 9th, the day Johnson was due to return from his suspension, the Chiefs cut him. The final LJ act of douche baggery -that likely put Chiefs GM Scott Pioli over the edge-was yet another tweet in which LJ made fun of a fan for making less money than him. The Cincinnati Bengals picked LJ up off waivers for the rest of the 2009 season, then cut him loose as a free agent. In July 2010, LJ was back in a KC courtroom.The presiding judge criticized Johnson for failing to comply with the terms of his probation and refusing to do the kind of community service that was agreed upon as part of his plea. When Johnson was sentenced to 40 hours of court-ordered community service, that service was supposed to involve coaching children at the Kansas City Police Athletic League. But Johnson refused to play sports with the children and said he wanted to start an art program instead. For some reason he was credited with nine hours of community service, even though the art program was canceled when it didn't draw enough students. The judge said "Children who go to the Police Athletic League don't go there for art class. The idea that you would draw pictures with kids who want to participate in athletics is absurd. If I knew you didn't want to do sports with kids, I would have assigned you to pick up trash on the highway. That's what we typically have defendants do." The prosecutor also said Johnson has committed several other violations of his probation, including failure to send monthly reports to his probation officer and failure to complete an appropriate anger management course. LJ's next football stop was signing a 2010 free agent agreement with the Washington Redskins, but he played ineffectively. His season stats for Washington: Two games, five carries for two yards. LJ was waived by Coach Mike Shanahan the third week of the 2010 season.

#1 ALL TIME BLOWFISH HALL OF SHAMER

Lin Elliott

AKA "ET Phone Home!"

Wuss, Waste of Space

If anyone ever deserved to wear NUMBER TWO, it's this guy here. ET was brought to Kansas City in 1994 to replace Nick "The Kick" Lowery. ET was cut early in 1993 by Dallas for choking on too many kicks (24 for 35) during the 1992 season. King Carl thought he had found another discount deal on a discarded player. In 1995, there were signs of a big problem. As December rolled around and the Chiefs were bound for playoff action, ET started tasting his testicles. On December 3rd in a game against the Raiders, ET whiffed two extra points and a field goal. During the regular season he was a mediocre 24 for 30 in field goals and missed 3 extra point attempts. The Chiefs finished at 13-3, and won the AFC West. In the biggest home playoff game since the 1971 Christmas Day Game against Miami, the Chiefs were in the driver's seat for a trip to the AFC Championship game against Pittsburgh. The game would be at Arrowhead, as the Chiefs had home field advantage in the playoffs. They just had to go out and beat the wild card Indianapolis Colts, a so-so dome team, in bitter 8-degree Kansas City weather. The Colts were led by Jim Harbaugh, a journeyman quarterback who washed out with the Chicago Bears. If the Chiefs could win, and beat Pittsburgh at Arrowhead the next week, it would mean a trip to Super Bowl XXX. And the Chiefs were due, not having been to the Super Bowl for 25 years. When the game started, the good news was the Chiefs powerful defense only gave up ten points. The bad new was ET choked on THREE field goal attempts, from 35, 39 and 43 yards. Kicking conditions were not great, but not impossible. Colts kicker Corey Blanchard hit a 35 yard attempt in the 3rd quarter that ended up being the game winner, as the Colts won 10 - 7. The Christmas Day 1971 loss to Miami threw the Chiefs into a 15 year playoff drought. This loss set the Chiefs back so severely, they still haven't recovered. The Chiefs only made it back to the playoffs again in 1997 (See Elvis: Pants Wetting, above), in 2003 (choking first round loss to Colts again) and 2006 (choking first round loss to Colts again again.)The Chiefs haven't won a playoff game since ET's career ended. He never kicked in the NFL again as he's now a schmoozing stockbroker back in Waco,Texas. Why...WHY couldn't he have become a Branch Davidian? Is there no justice? Funny, its been more than ten years and we haven't seen him at any of the Chiefs player reunions!

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