Blowfish's 2006 Kanchos Season Blog:

In 2006 I decided after suffering through multiple 100 loss seasons to do something different. I decided to follow my own fantasy Blowfish team, "The Kanchos." It's sort of like fantasy baseball. Unfortunately it's all too real.

The Kanchos won the AL Central going away, just as I predicted in April. The Kanchos stats were made up of Royals opponents in 2006. What's a Kancho? In Japanese, it roughly means "a thousand years of pain." A thousand years of pain. That's what you're in for if you follow the Royals. You can get the basics of the Kancho here.

Everybody...SING!

October 1st: Well, the season is over. And the Kanchos (Royals) lost 100 games again. But there IS a silver lining, The Royals were splendid spoilers in the final weekend of the season. The last series of the year was in Detroit. Detroit hammered the Royals all year long with a 14-1 record against KC coming into the series . If not for mopping up KC, Detroit would not be in position to win the AL Central. All the Tiger Kittes had to do was win one home game out of three against the last place, sad sack, worst team in baseball, hapless Royals. They couldn't do it. The Royals swept the series, including coming back from a 6-0 hole to win on the final day 10-8 in 12 innings. Here's the Royals wearing their rally caps in the 12th:

Because of the Royals, the Twins win the AL Central, and Detroit has to face the Evil Yankees as a wild card team. Needless to say, the Tigers and their fans were extremely bummed.

It was the first Royals sweep in Detroit since 1980, and a measure of payback for when the Tigers knocked the Royals out of the playoffs in 1984, or when they embarassed the Royals in an 8-2 laugher in the last game ever played at Tiger Stadium on September 27, 1999.

There was a lot of bad this year. The team lost 100 games, again. Royals finished 34 games out and in sweeping Detroit, lost out on the first pick in next year's baseball draft to Tampa Bay. Sweeney was hurt, again, for most of the year. The Royals used 17 different starting pitchers, a new team record. The team batting coach and General Manager were both whacked in mid-season. The manager, Buddy Bell, had to leave the team in September to have a cancerous growth in his throat removed. In the final week of the season. Godfather of KC baseball Buck O'Neil was shunned in the Baseball Hall Of Fame voting. Then down the stretch in September, Buck was hospitalized with failing health from exhaustion. So there's been plenty of sadness and suffering for Royals fans, who are approaching a Cub-Like register on the sufferage meter.

The great KC Star Columnist Joe Posnanski wrote this column during the last weekend of the season, which is an excellent summation of the 2006 Royals:

The Term ‘Hurlers’ Really Fits
JOE POSNANSKI
The Kansas City Star
Every so often when it comes to the Royals, it’s important to stop for a moment and point out a little bad history. Sure, everyone is trying to be hopeful now with Dayton Moore as general manager and a few promising young players emerging.
But if you don’t stop and smell the losses, the Royals’ years begin to blend together. And you could easily get confused.
For instance, you might think about 1999 (97 losses) and remember a team that couldn’t score runs. But no, that was a decent offensive team. That team had a legendarily bad bullpen. In that year, the Royals bullpen allowed opponents to hit .303 and became one of the first to have more blown saves than actual saves.

Now, the 2001 team (97 losses) couldn’t hit. More, they couldn’t walk. They finished dead last in the American League with 406 walks — the second-lowest total the last 20 years in the American League. That was the year outfielder Mark Quinn went from early May until August without a walk. And when he finally did walk, someone set off the fireworks at Kauffman Stadium.
The 2002 team (100 losses) couldn’t hit or pitch, but Paul Byrd won 17 games — he’s the only Royals pitcher since the strike to win more than 15 games in a season. You might want to reread that statistic — it’s OK, I’ll wait. OK. Moving on . . .
The 2004 team (104 losses) was best known for Juan Gonzalez’s Purple Heart effort, while the 2005 team had the 19-game losing streak and numerous comical plays.

So what is this year’s team’s contribution to Kansas City baseball history? Well, this is the year when the Royals’ extraordinarily bad pitching finally reached a crescendo of awfulness. This year, thirteen different Royals pitchers started five or more games. That in itself is absolutely incredible — it smashes the team record.
To give you an idea: In 1985, that charmed year, five Royals pitchers started five games or more. Same with this year’s Chicago White Sox.

But that’s just the setup. There’s something about those 13 pitchers that will absolutely blow you away. Wait for it.
Every single one of those 13 pitchers has an ERA larger than 5.00.
Get that? Every single one. Doesn’t matter if it’s Jorge de la Rosa, Brandon Duckworth, Joe Mays or Bobby Keppel. It could be Scott Elarton, Mike Wood, Jimmy Gobble or Runelvys Hernandez. To finish out the quaker’s dozen: Mark Redman, Luke Hudson, Odalis Perez, Jeremy Affeldt and Denny Bautista.

All of them have ERAs above what we would like to officially dub the Herb Hashmark (Herbert Howard Hash pitched for the Boston Red Sox in the early 1940s and finished his career with a 4.98 ERA). What are the odds that a major-league baseball team could find 13 different men from all over the world, pay them each a substantial amount, give them at least five starts — and not one of them finishes the year with a ERA less than 5.00? It boggles the mind.

Then again, Royals pitching has been so wretched, this season almost feels like a watershed moment — sort of like when the producers of “Gilligan’s Island” decided after years of inanity to do a special with the Harlem Globetrotters. It’s like they said, “Well, if people think we were stupid before …”

The Royals have long had horrendous pitching. Since 1998 — so we’re talking more than nine seasons — the Royals’ team ERA is 5.29. That’s momentous. In American League history, only the St. Louis Browns pitching staff of the 1930s had a higher ERA over nine years. The Royals moved the fences back. They fired and hired a half-dozen pitching coaches, They used 123 different pitchers, from Abbott to Witasick, from Byrd to Byrdak, Ray to May, Villacis to Voyles, George to Bailey. And nothing changes.
Still, this is the Royals’ masterpiece season. The starters’ ERA is 5.85. The Royals, in the daytime, have a 6.99 ERA. They have given up 60 more runs than any other team in baseball. They have given up more hits, more base runners, more total bases, blown more saves and struck out fewer batters than any other team in baseball. They have allowed the highest batting average, on-base percentage and slugging percentage in baseball. They are second in walks allowed, third in home runs allowed.
Otherwise it would be a clean sweep.

The Royals do have some exciting young hitters on the way. They really do. But Moore knows that to turn around the No. 1 punch line in baseball — this week, Royals jokes made ESPN.com, Maxim and The Simpsons — pitching must be found. Sure, 2006 is just another 100-loss season, the third in a row, fourth out of five years. But perhaps we will remember 2006 as the year Royals pitching finally bottomed out.
Then, Royals fans know Buddy Bell’s famous quote: “I never say it can’t get worse.”

July 15th: Just over the halfway point in the season, and the Kanchos have actually slipped three games behind the incredibly hot Detroit Tigers. Detroit is 61-29, Kanchos are 58-31, which would be good enough for first place in any division except the AL Central.Interesting Kanchos Stats:

• Average scoring 6.1 runs per game
• Team batting average is .292
• Out-homered opponents 126 to 71.
• Out-scored opponents 544-409
• Struck out 562 opponents, Kanchos batters K'ed 444 times.

Compared to how crappy the Royals have been:
• Team batting average is .267
• Only starter hitting over .300 is LF David DeJesus
• No Royal has more than 10 home runs
• 29 games back at All-Star Break

KC's "All Star" was pitcher Mark Redman, the only Royals hurler with a winning record at 6-4. He also leads the staff with a 5.38 ERA (embarrassing that all other Royals pitchers ERA's are higher!), and he's walked more batters than struck out by 35 to 32. The Royals highest payed player, Mike "Holy Ghost" Sweeney, makes $11 million per year, and hasn't played at all since the first week of May. Captain Mikey was hitting .176 when he DL'ed with a bulging disc. The Royals have actually played much better since June 1st with the removal of GM Allard "Youth Movement" Baird. His replacement, Dayton "Lil' Schuerholz" Moore came over from the Atlanta Braves, and hopefully will stir this mess around. Check out the Allard Baird T-Shirts now available for sale on Cafe Press!

May 21st: The Kanchos roared back for their ninth straight win and third straight sweep today. Kanchos have swept nine series and only been swept once this year. Kanchos continue to lead the majors in wins, and lead Detroit in the AL Central by two games. The Kanchos are 31-10, batting .284 as a team, and have out-homered their opponents almost two to one (54 hit to 26 allowed). Kanchos pitching has remained excellent, opponents are still batting only .246 against them.

May 10th: The Kanchos were swept for the first time this year, losing three straight games by one, three and two runs. Despite this rare sweep, the Kanchos are only a game back of the World Champion Chisox in the AL Central, with a .688 winning percentage and the second best overall record in baseball at 22-10. The Kanchos are batting .277 as a team, outscoring their opponents 178-111, averaging 5.4 runs per game. Kanchos hitters have continued to show excellent plate discipline drawing127 walks, and have out-homered their opponents almost two to one (39 hit to 20 allowed). Kanchos pitching has been excellent. Opponents are batting only .246 and the Kanchos pitching staff is currently second in the majors in fewest runs allowed at 120, and first in fewest home runs allowed at 20.

April 20th: After dropping two games in a row, the Kanchos have been unstoppable, winning 10 straight. Kanchos have swept four of their five April series. Pitching has been great with two shutouts and two one run games. Team is hitting .310 with 20 homers in only 14 games. The Kanchos have shown tremendous patience at the plate, drawing 66 walks and scoring 95 runs, and average of almost seven runs per game. Kanchos lead the AL Central by 2.5 over the World Champion Chisox.

April 7th: After a well deserved team day of rest yesterday (spent at the colon cleansing clinic) the Kanchos went hog wild today, sweeping KC 14-3. Kanchos catcher Ivan Rodriguez went 5-5 with a homer, three doubles and 5 RBI. The Kanchos out homered KC 8-2 and outscored them 17-4 in two games. The KC home crowd booed their team. KC Pitcher Mike Wood was run, hitting a batter after surrendering the Kanchos fifth homer of the day in the ninth inning. That's just poor sportsmanship. Kanchos start the season with a convincing sweep, undefeated in the AL Central.

April 5th: The Kanchos, despite starting on the road, open with a four-hit pitching performance and three solo homers for a 3-1 victory. First baseman Chris Shelton hit two of those homers, despite the best efforts of some guy named Jesus, who plays center field for Kansas CIty.

Want to re-live the searing pain of the last four Royals seasons? OK Sparky, you asked for it!

2005 Royals Journal here

2004 Royals Journal here

2003 Royals Journal here

2002 Royals Journal here