Royals Final 2004 Record: 58-104, .358, LAST in AL Central, 34 games back of Twinkies. (WORST SEASON EVER!!)
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Topeka Capital Journal's Royals Zone
Kansas City Royals Official Team Website
April 5th, 2004 Opening Day: Last year I said the Royals home opener may
have been the most perfect home opener ever. This year wasn't
perfect, but it was definitely the most exciting one I can remember
in 36 years of Royals baseball. This year, like last year, we
opened with the greasy Chisox. Like last year, a
beautiful, perfect day with 73 game time degrees and an all
time biggest opening day KC record crowd of 41,575. The day started
with my longtime Royals pal Gary posing for a prophetic picture
while tailgating. During the pregame
activities, Tony Peña received his 2003 AL Manager of the
Year Award and Shortstop Angel Berroa received his AL Rookie of
the Year Award. Royals Broadcaster Denny Mathews threw
out the first pitch, and there was plenty of patriotic pregame
stuff including a giant flag on the
field, an American Eagle that swooped
across the field during the National Anthem, and a flyover by
the Air Force A-10 Warthogs from Whiteman
AFB. The day started out looking ugly, as the Boys in Blue were
down four zip after two. Even the Royals Mascot Slugger got scalded
in the backside and flattened by a foul line drive! The Royals
overcame a Chisox 7-3 lead in the bottom of the ninth,posting
a six spot to win 9-7 going away. A big three run pinch hit homer
by seldom used reserve infielder Mendy Lopez, followed by a two
run blast by Carlos Beltran salted
the game away. Needless to say, the team
went nuts, the crowd went nuts,
and everybody got free donuts because
the Royals had twelve hits! Personally I thought it was the rally caps that won the day! What a wonderful
way to open the season!
Sunday 4/18: The
Royals first road trip is off to a disastrous start, being swept
by Chicago and Minnesota back to back. The Royals hit 17 homers
in the last six games, and lost all six. Why? Pitching -especially
starting pitching- has sucked like a hoover. In the first 12 games
of the season, no starter has a victory. All of the starters except
Jimmy Gobble have ERAs over 8.50. Today
finds the Royals in dead last in the AL Central, 4 games behind
Chicago and Minnesota. Suck-O-Rama. The Good News: The
offense has been hammering the ball, just not quite as well as
the opposition. Sweeney is hitting .280, Juan Gone .277, Beltran
is at .311 and homered in four consecutive games to set a Royals
record. Tony Graffanino has played pretty well at 2B covering
for Desi Relaford, who injured a hamstring on opening day. The
Bad News: Lots. Starting SS Angel Berroa went on the DL on
Friday in Minnesota after suffering Migraine headaches all day.
Berroa checked in to a Minneapolis emergency room. The docs even
gave him a spinal tap. Ouch! Royals
brought up 20 year old Double-A Shortstop Andres Blanco from Wichita
to cover for Berroa. That will hurt the offense, as Berroa was
slated to be the lead off man this season. So far Matt Stairs
has been a disappointment, hitting a puny .217. 40-something catcher
Benito Santiago's defense has been lousy; allowing several pass
balls. The only guy he threw out on the road trip was Chisox Frank
Thomas, who's slower than molasses in January. Pitching has been
its own special brand of putrid. Five starters have sucked pond
water. Jimmy Gobble has had one quality start, all other eleven
starts have been total crap. Kevin Appier was brought up as the
only righty in the lineup to face Minnesota, and got shelled.
Planet Appier is sporting a ERA over 15.
The all time record for games without Royals starters posting
a win is 18 in 1992. Relief pitching has sucked too, with Carrasco
and Leskanic both blowing save opportunities in Chicago. It's
gotten so bad that Tony Peña
took a Saturday night shower in full uniform to loosen up the
team. Next day the starting five Royals batters went zip for 18.
So much for motivational ploys. The Royals have been notoriously
slow April starters, and they better stop leaning on their rosy
pre-season predictions, buckle down and get the pitching together
soon or it could be another awful losing season.
Friday 4/30: Well, the Royals turned in their typical miserable
month of April, and they're looking more like the putrid pants
wetting 100 loss Royals of 2002 than the Central Division contenders
of 2003. Going into a potentially nasty road trip to New York,
Boston and Toronto, the Royals find themselves at 7-14, 7.5 games
back of the Twinkies in last place. In 2002, the Royals ended
April at 8-16, 6 games back in next to last place in the AL Central.
Look familiar? The Good News: Backup 2nd baseman Tony Graffanino
is 8th in AL in batting average at .338, only to go on the DL
with a bad knee. Carlos Beltran is tied for 2nd in homers with
7. Mike "Wild Thang" MacDougal came back off the DL
yesterday, Desi Relaford today and Angel Berroa should come back
off the DL tomorrow against the Yankees. Mike Sweeney played a
game at first base today for the first time after a wrist injury
held him out for over a week. Ron Adams, a guy from my hometown
Independence,MO won the Sonic Slam inning (worth $25,000) when
Matt Stairs hit a grand slam in the 6th against Cleveland. Royals
team batting average is .287. They just can't outscore anybody.
The Bad News: Again, plenty. The Royals are in last place
and deserve to be there, having their 12th losing April in the
last 13 years. Curtis Leskanic has blown his last three save opportunities,
the latest example today choking a one run ninth inning lead against
Texas to lose 9-7. The Royals are 1 for 15 with the bases loaded
and less than two outs. Team ERA is 5.03. Starting pitchers have
TWO wins in April: Gobble has one, Anderson has one. Three starting
pitchers went down with injuries in one week: First Kevin
Appier with an elbow, then Darrell May with a groin, then
Jimmy Gobble with dehydration. Juan Gonzalez
missed the entire Texas series with the flu. Mendy Lopez does
nothing but hit into double plays since opening day. Catcher Benito
Santiago is zip for his last 11 plate appearances. Aaron
Guile's average has dipped to .216, earning him a spot on
the bench. The Royals called up David DeJesus, the heir apparent
to Carlos "Talk to Mr. Boras"
Beltran. He's hitting .083 since starting in left field for Guile.
AA caliber shortstop Andres Blanco was sent back to Wichita, Rule
5 outfielder Rich Thompson was cut outright, and human torch DJ
Carrasco was sent down to Omaha. Concentration on fundamentals
have been bad as players have made countless base running blunders.
Graffanino struck out twice in three days looking with the bases
loaded to end an inning. In one game against the Twins, the Royals
defense posted the third out, and all nine players on the field
thought there were only two outs. It's the same old Wal Mart Royals
of yesteryear, friends and neighbors. Looks like it could be another
90 loss season. The horror...the horror. One final note in the
Baseball Annie Dept: Rookie Outfielder
David DeJesus' love life made national
news on the nationwide syndicated "Imus in the Morning"
radio show. Imus listed DeJesus' 23-year old girlfriend on his
weekly "scum report." Michelle Salvatore dumped DeJesus
when he failed to make the major league roster out of spring training.
DeJesus was sent to AAA Omaha to open the season. When DeJesus
was promoted to the majors in April, she contacted DeJesus and
wanted to get back together. The former Rutgers University cheerleader
must have been tipped off that DeJesus is supposedly the next
Royals superstar of the future, and could make mega bucks two
or three years from now. Ka-ching...and major Bling Bling!
Tuesday 5/11: It's taken me awhile to get over my general
disgust and actually sit down and write something about these
choking pussy losers. Did I say that out loud? Here's how things
are going: The Royals haven't won a series since the first week
of April when they swept three from Cleveland at home. Since then,
they've lost every single series, including being swept by Chicago,
Minnesota and New York on the road. The first major east coast
roadie ended with a dismal 2 and 7 record, with two of those games
featuring blown late leads. Tonight the Royals finally put together
a decent win; beating last year's American League Cy Young winner
Roy Halliday of Toronto 5-1; but the Greasy White Sox pound Baltimore
15 to Zip; so we gain no ground on the division lead.The Good
News: Carlos Beltran will make some rich contending team very
happy during the stretch run. He's batting .308 and looks pretty
solid in all phases. He's more patient at the plate, moves runners,
is great at stealing bases and is turning into a mature, dependable
player. The question is who will reap the benefits of the Royals
patience with developing Beltran all these years? Odds are he'll
land in center field for the Yanks, although the Dodgers and Angels
may covet him too. Don't be surprised if he gets stupid money,
in the neighborhood of $15 million a year as his agent is the
Evil Scott Boras, the Jabba the Hut
of baseball agents. You can't help but wonder how good the Royals
would be now if they could have held their outfield of Damon,
Dye and Beltran together. Alas, the Royals still dwell in monetary
limbo somewhere between Triple-A and the real Major Leagues as
a "small market" team. It truly is a rigged game, and
sometimes I wonder why I even give a rat's ass. Ken Harvey is
quietly putting together his first attention grabbing season,
batting .348 and playing excellent first base. He has very good
hands and digs balls out as good as Wally Joyner or John Mayberry.
So far (knock on wood) he has not shown his tendency to get injured
or bash into other players in ugly diamond collisions. The
Bad News: Again...plenty plenty plenty. Let's start with starting
pitching. Here's how the Royals starters are faring so far with
NONE having a winning record six weeks into the season. Your "Ace"
Brian Anderson: 1-4, 7.15 ERA. Totally bombed in his last two
starts against Toronto, including giving up a six run first inning
to open the home stand in yesterday's 9 to 3 Blue Jay's ass kicking.
Darrell May: 1-4, 6.40 ERA, has already missed a start with a
sore groin and complained he was "feelin' kinda sick"
the day he actually won a game. Jeremy Affeldt: 0-3, 5.06 ERA.
Looked terrible early, has been a hard luck pitcher in his last
couple of starts, including pitching 8 innings, leaving with a
lead not getting the win thanks to "Wild Thing" MacDougal's
ninth inning Friday Night meltdown in Boston. Kevin Appier: 0-1,
13.50 ERA: pitched a couple innings, stunk it up, strained his
arm....rehab-ville for the senior citizen of the staff. Jimmy
Gobble: 1-1, 3.75 ERA: Only guy to pitch up to expectations. He's
been fine, drew a tough assignment in his last start, having to
match up with Curt Schilling in Boston. Pitched even with Schilling
for five innings. Bullpen Suck-O-Rama: Royals alleged All-Star
fire balling closer Mike "Wild Thing"
MacDougal got a tank full of premium unleaded and a open ended
lease at the Omaha Residence Inn today because he needs to go
back to the minors and learn how to freakin' find home plate.
So far Wild Thing in 3 1/3rd IP is 0-1, 10.80 ERA, 1 save, 2 blown
saves, 2 homers and 5 walks; all in less than four complete innings!
I've hated this guy since he gave up a Grand Salami to Seattle's
Ichiro Suzuki to ruin my birthday last year, blowing a 9th inning
win. Have fun serving up four pitch walks in Nebraska, you over-rated
poop stain. Meanwhile, Curtis Leskanic profoundly sucks as well.
He's 0-3, 12.96 ERA, 2 saves and 3 blown saves. The Royals sent
him home after blowing a game to the Yanks to have his shoulder
checked out. It's still attached to his torso apparently, and
now the Royals bullpen is depending on Grimsley, Camp and Field
to get people out. Dear Lord please help us. On offense, future
alleged phenom David "Son 'O God" DeJesus was brought
up to replace slumping left fielder Aaron Guile, who's hitting
.181. DeJesus firmly latched on to his opportunity to be a major
league starter by going 1 for 23, batting .043 over a three week
stretch. He's sharing a roll-away bed at the Residence Inn back
in Omaha with Wild Thing now. On offense, three of the guys the
Royals were desperately depending on are barely hitting their
weight: Guile at .181, 2003 AL Rookie of the Year Berroa at .213
and Desi Relaford batting .220. Tony Graffanino is still on the
DL nursing a damaged knee. He was hitting over .300 when he was
injured. In all, Sweeney, Relaford, Berroa, Graffanino, Lopez
and Santiago have missed games with injuries; and Juan Gone took
five days off a couple weeks ago with the "flu." Yeah,
right. Speaking of Santiago, he couldn't throw a little old lady
out of K-Mart for stealing Depends. The last 11 base stealers
have been successful, and for the season the opposition has an
86% success rate stealing on Santiago. That's freakin' pathetic.
Juan Gone loafs like he's doing mandatory community service work
in the outfield. Boston got an inside the parker on him last Saturday,
and scored the winning run in MacDougal's meltdown Friday because
Juan jogged after the winning base hit down the right field line.
This guy deserves his reputation as a team cancer...he's more
like a team hemorrhoid, and should be cut loose. Hell, I'd rather
lose watching DeJesus bat .043 than watch us pay this puke $4
million a year to dog it in the outfield. Miscellaneous Rants:
Can you tell I'm a little frustrated? Tony
"Chico Esquela" Peña today re-affirmed his
belief that the Royals will win the Central Division...and specified
he meant THIS YEAR. Go for it Tony. Hell, you're only 11 games
under .500 and playing .323 baseball. Muser was a crusty and grumpy
loser, but at least he wasn't abusing Zoloft!
By the way, is it just me, or did the Royals return to their choking
loser ways as soon as Al Fitzmorris came
back to the Royals broadcast team? The Royals are using a lot
of ex-players like Fred Patek, Joe Carter, Mike Boddicker and
Brian McRae to do color, which is fine. Fitzmorris and Don "The Weasel" Fortune anchored
the Royals Post-Game show for years of decrepit miserable losing
seasons...basically the entire 1990's. The minute Fitz gets back
in the vicinity, the Royals spit up on themselves! Coincidence?
I think not. Also, I really hate Bob Davis on the Royals TV broadcasts.
He constantly jinxes players..."Gobble hasn't walked a batter
in five innings today...oooh, there's ball four!" I guess
I can't get over him being the Jayhawk Basketball play by play
guy. I wish he'd go away. Paul Splitorff is excellent, and isn't
afraid to call out guys when they dog it or make bonehead plays.
Final Rant of the Day: Here's some politically correct speech
translation for typical Royals front office BS you hear in radio
interviews or read in the paper: 1) "He's struggling right
now" = "He sucks like a ten dollar streetwalker."
2) "He's not comfortable at the plate right now" = "The
sumbitch couldn't hit his weight on Skylab." 3) "You
can't put men on base in that situation" = "The closer
can't walk five freakin' guys in three innings of work."
4) "We're going to win the Central Division" = "I'm
fantasizing like a 35 year old bachelor in a teen chat room."
5) Royals latest marketing slogan for a Tony
Peña T-Shirt should be "Apestamos en el hielo"
= "We Stink On Ice." And THAT's the truth!
Sunday 5/23: The Royals are very good at spin meistering,
so let put a positive spin on this month so far: The Royals have
succeeded at posting the best non-positive winning record in Royals
history, valiantly surrendering their second three game sweep
to the Oakland A's this week. The Royals are now 15 games under
.500, but have four more months of baseball to threaten the .500
mark. Yeesh. As Deiter from Sprokets would say "This is growing
tiresome." Today marked the 25% done mark of the season,
and at this pace, the Royals will end the 2004 season at 51-111.
Happy Happy Joy Joy. The Royals have the worst record in major
league baseball and their worst start in team history. They're
toast. Nobody will be paying attention from now on, and when the
Chiefs start training camp in July, the Royals won't even make
the front of the sports page. The only drama at this point is
who will be traded to whom and by when. The Good News: The
Royals brought up Zack Greinke and plugged
him into the rotation against Barry Zito. Greinke pitched good
enough to win, going 5 innings, giving up 2 runs and 5 hits, one
walk and one strikeout. But of course the win was blown by Jeremy
Affeldt in relief, who was one strike away from a save, but instead
gave up a two run dinger to send the game into extra innings that
eventually the Royals lost in 11 innings. Dennys Reyes has looked
OK in two spot starts. He has no decisions and a 2.51 ERA in those
two games. The Bad News: Juan Gone is gone again. He has
"a bad back" and sat out Saturday and Sunday in the
Oakland series. Mindy Lopez is hitting .108, and curiously got
the start in Right Field to replace Juan Gone in Oakland over
Matt Stairs (hitting .266). Santiago has only thrown out four
runners stealing all season. His age has caught up to him and
it shows in his defense. I don't know how many times the Royals
have had the bases loaded with one out and not scored a single
run. The defense has been terrible, base running worse. Let's
look at what teams are doing to the Royals. The AL is hitting
.291 vs the Royals. We've been outscored by 50 runs and out hit
by 48 hits. The Royals have struck out 41 more times than the
opposition. Pitching? Royals starters are 4-18 with a 5.98 ERA.
Relief? Out of ten 9th inning save opportunities this year, Royals
have converted five. Team closer has went from Leskanic to Field
to Camp to MacDougal to Affeldt. The A's love seeing Royal blue.
They've beaten the Royals 10 straight times, their longest streak
ever against Kansas City. Oakland has outscored Kansas City 30-11
this season. I'm sick of Peña saying "We're trying
too hard." No, this team is just bad, and they're no fun
to watch, unless you root for whoever they're playing. So if you
want to have an enjoyable baseball season and "just like
major league baseball, gosh darn it," just watch the Royals,
and root for whoever is playing against them. You'll come away
happy just about seven out of ten times.
Saturday 6/5: Allard Baird has been threatening to pull
a fire sale of Royals veterans if the team didn't close to single
digits in the AL Central Race. In the last week the boys in blue
have won seven out of their last ten and closed to within ten
games of the greasy first place White Sox. The only problem is
the team is playing .377 ball, which is a ticket to nowhere no
matter how you slice it. The Good News: First Baseman/DH
Ken Harvey is on a tear. He's tied for first in AL batting average
at .376 and has hit in 14 straight. Beltran is still a Royal (for
now) and is coming out of his .222 May swoon, raising his season
average to .286. One disturbing thing about Beltran is how he
fares against the league's better pitchers. Tonight Curt Schilling
of the Bosox collared Beltran for an oh-for-four night. Dennis
Reyes continues to throw well as a starter, he's 2-0 with a 3.09
ERA. Rookie "Phee-nom" Zack Greinke is 0-1, but has
pitched well in all three of his starts. He's simply not winning
because of poor run support. Jeremy Affeldt has shown some skill
as a closer, shutting the door on Boston Friday night to earn
his sixth save of the year. Santiago actually threw out a runner
tonight on a busted hit and run. No big deal though as the runner
was Manny Ramirez, one of the slowest players in the majors. The
Bad News: The Royals are really bad on the weekend. As of
today the Royals record on Saturday & Sunday is 5-12. Royals
starting pitching continues to wobble. Brian Anderson was bounced
from the rotation to the bullpen after his ERA ballooned over
seven. Darrell May's ERA is over six. He leads the majors in losses
(eight so far) and leads the AL in giving up gopher balls with
17 surrendered in 63 innings pitched. May is also a big wuss.
Tonight he gave up three two run homers to the Bosox, and didn't
knock anybody down. He flatly refuses to pitch inside to anyone.
By contrast, Boston reliever Keith Foulke gave up a garbage time
solo homer to Benito Santiago in the ninth, then plunked Angel
Berroa (the next batter) in the shoulder. That's known as a message
pitch, and is employed by teams who have some stones. The Royals
pitchers are seen as soft, meek, mouse-like creatures, and are
universally disrespected in the American League. Desi Relaford
is dancing with the Mendoza line, hitting an embarrassing .194
and playing a clueless left field. Third baseman Joe Randa went
on a zip for nineteen swoon to drag his average down to .251.
Coming up next is inter league play, starting with the Montreal
Expos, one of the National League's stinky teams. We'll see what
happens.
Monday 6/14: Current scuttlebutt surrounds the breakup
of the team after an embarrassing double dip home loss to the
worst team in baseball, the vagabond Montreal Expos. The Expos
hadn't won a double header in more than five years, and out-hustled
the Royals 8-0 and 7-2. The Royals currently stand at 23-37, 10.5
back in the cellar behind the greasy Chisox. Tomorrow it's an
inter league roadie starting with three in Atlanta and then three
with the Phillies -Holy 1980 World Series Batman! Rumors surround
the inevitable dumping of Carlos "Call My Agent" Beltran.
Teams mentioned include San Diego, LA, NY Mets, Florida and (of
course) the Evil Yankees. Most buzz surrounds packaging Beltran
and Randa to San Diego for a young third baseman named Burroughs
and a young catcher or outfielder. There's also been mention of
dumping just about every veteran on the team including Sweeney,
Stairs, Juan-Gone and Santiago. And there's been some buzz about
trading "Wild Thang" MacDougal, but not many other pitchers
as most of the ones who would be considered trade bait suck like
a Hoover (Anderson, May, Leskanic, Grimsley) so why even think
about them? Relaford looks safe from trade but may be in danger
of being cut outright because he's hitting .179. Graffanino has
a stranglehold on second base, hitting .287 after coming back
from a knee-scoping. The Good News: Rookie Phee-Nom Pitcher
Zack Greinke continues to be impressive, losing yesterday to the
Mets Future Hall of Famer Tom Glavine. No sin in that. Greinke
is 1-2 with a 2.73 ERA in five starts. The only starter with a
winning record is Reyes, who's 2-1 in seven starts. Affeldt has
eight saves, but has looked a lot like Jeff Montgomery in each
outing, teetering on the brink of disaster in each save opportunity.
Rarely does he come in and slam the door on a team. Ken Harvey
is still among the leaders in AL batting average at .358. Down
side is he strikes out too much, with 37 K's and only 12 walks.
Backup Catcher Kelly Stinnett is batting .327 but only has 49
plate appearances. In the Major League Draft the Royals took Florida
High Schooler Billy Butler, projected to be a power hitting third
baseman in the mold of a young Matt Williams. The kid got a $1.4
million signing bonus. Time to buy that bitchin' Camaro, dude!
The Bad News: Darrell "Big Puss" May is 3-8 with
a 6.26 ERA. He leads the AL in losses and in gopher balls surrendered
and hasn't hit one batter all year. That's disgraceful. The Royals
should pay Dennis Leonard to come into the clubhouse and bitch
slap the little sissy two or three times a week. This guy's the
biggest Royals mound puss since Hipolito Pichardo got his ass
kicked by Albert Belle. Juan-Gone continues to be gone, not playing
at all in the past two weeks with a "bad back." Meanwhile,
on Sunday Beltran scared the bejesus out of the Royals' brass
when he plowed headlong into the center field fence chasing a
homer by Mets' Mike Piazza. Beltran slammed his left knee into
the wall and had to come out of the game. X-Rays revealed no damage,
and Beltran should play against Atlanta tomorrow, if he's still
on the team. Royals today designated Brandon Berger for assignment,
which means his days as a Royal may be over. Dee Brown was brought
back up to the bigs for another shot in the outfield. Don't get
too excited. Brown cleared waivers earlier this year, which means
no other major league team thought enough of this former first
rounder to pick him up off the scrap heap. Other Stuff:
Kevin Appier is still in rehab, and may start to pitch again in
Wichita this week. The Royals have been awful on Thursday with
a 1-8 record; Tuesday seems to be their best day, with a 6-3 record.
J.C. Carter of Kansas City, KS was chosen as the Royals 60 millionth
fan since the Royals started in KC in 1969. Carter received a
butt-load of gifts, even though it was the first time he had ever
been to a Royals game. Man, I've been to hundreds of Royals games,
most of them in recent years losses...and all I ever get is a
dollar hot dog every once in awhile. Damn the bad luck.
Sunday 6/27: It seems like my entries here are fewer and
fewer because it gives me acid reflux disease to sit down and
write about these pussy losers. I apologize to all the pussies
in the world for comparing these choking losers to you. When you're
a fan of a last place team, you have to look for very minor things:
a good win here and there, signs of hope for next year, any little
morsel or tidbit of goodness to hang your hat on for the long
winter to come. It's not even July the 4th, and the long winter
is here for the Bufu Blue Crew. As I write, the Big Blue Bus Crash
has hacked up yet another prodigious fur ball in this hell on
earth 2004 season. One of the things Royals fans could look forward
to was a visit by our cross-state "rivals," the St.
Louis Redbirds and their legion of snooty, "we're so much
better than you in every way" baseball fans. This year we
can only bend over and take the big rectal exam of humility, as
the Cards embarrassed the Royals by (for the first time) sweeping
the so-called "I-70 Series" in Kansas City. Apparently,
current Royals players have no clue what this series means to
long time Royals fans. Beating the Cardinals at least once is
important. Very important. Oh sure, it's not the stuff of life
and death. Except I live and die like a true blue fan should with
the fortunes and failures of my chosen team. Today I truly feel
like road kill. The Royals players and coaches don't seem any
more upset by this development than by being swept, say, by Tampa
Bay or Texas. "We just got out played. We're struggling right
now. St. Louis is probably the best team in the NL right now.
We'll have to go get back at it again tomorrow." You know
what? I'm sick of hearing it. Losing is bad enough. Losing and
not caring is much worse. Every year when the team sucks pond
water, Royals brass say "baseball fans in Kansas City should
feel lucky that we have a major league team and just enjoy major
league baseball." OK...let's say I do that. Let's say I become
a fan of "major league baseball" and just root for "versus;"
whoever the Royals are playing that day. Y'know what? The "VS"
team is 44-28, good enough for first place in the AL Central with
a comfy 3-game lead on the Twins. Instead, the real Royals are
16 games under .500, 12 games off the lead and mired in the cellar,
six games behind the Detroit Tigers for fourth place. They just
traded their best player (Carlos Beltran) away for three unproven
minor leaguers. The closer (Jeremy Affeldt) just went on the 15-day
DL today with a strained ribcage muscle. The team "Captain"
Mike Sweeney is hitting .270 and shows a tremendous flair for
popping up and stranding baserunners. This team flat out sucks
and should be ashamed of the way they've played this season. Tony
"Chico Esquela" Peña should get reamed with a
wooden dowel rod for not kicking some lazy club house ass. The
Glass family has been very placid too with their telling silence.
I guess as long as 40,000 people show up for a game-even if 30,000
of those are Cardinal fans-they're happy campers. I feel real
sorry for all the suckers who bought season tickets this year.
Thank God the Chiefs start up about a month from now. The Good
News: There's only 90 more games left in the season. Other
than that, there really is no good news. The Bad News:
Carlos Beltran is gone to Houston for a minor league catcher,
third baseman and right handed pitcher. The new catcher John Buck
is zero for six with three strikeouts. Santiago is on the DL with
a broken hand. Stinnett is out for the season with nerve damage
in his elbow. Joe Randa only has two home runs. That's pathetic
for a major league starting third baseman. Juan Gone is still
gone. Nobody knows when or if he'll play again. Desi Relaford
is still Mr. Mendoza LIne, hitting a weak .201 and complaining
that he's not starting. Just shut up, Desi. I've never said this
before, but now I truly believe Sweeney should surrender that
"C" on his jersey. He's been an absolute joke as a team
leader. He strands runners all over the place, and can't field
at first worth spit. Ken Harvey has a zero pain threshold. Today
he came out of the Cardinal game in the first inning after being
plunked on the arm. How bout pitching? No Royal starter has a
winning record. Allard Baird dumped crappy reliever Curtis Leskanic
and traded equally crappy team union rep Jason Grimsley to AL
East cellar dweller Baltimore. Affeldt is on the 15-day DL with
a strained rib case muscle. Whiz kid Zack Greinke is 1-4, due
mostly to poor run support. Royals are 2-10 on Sundays. I'm just
so pissed I can't vent any more. Stick a fork in me, I'm done.
Monday 7/12: It's finally the All -Star Break and it couldn't
have come a moment too soon. The Royals are wallowing in their
worst season ever. It's nice to have a guaranteed three day stretch
where they won't lose a game.The Bufued Blue Crew is on pace to
lose over 100 games this season. They are worst in the American
League in team batting average and in striking out opposing batters.
They are next to worst in runs scored and in fielding percentage.
The Royals set an all-time American League record by having 48
different guys on the Major League roster BEFORE the All-Star
Break. The Good News: Carlos Beltran made the All-Star
Game and will play in his hometown. Only problem is he'll be playing
in Houston and representing the Astros. Ken Harvey will represent
the Royals. He's batting .305 at the break after seeing his average
drop 50 points in the last month. He came into the break on a
zip-for-21 batting binge. (Note: in his only AB Harv struck out.
Typical of how this year has been.)Tony "Chico Esquela"
Peña was chosen as one of the AL's coaches based on his
rousing performance in 2003. The chances of Tony making an appearance
at the 2005 All-Star game are slim and none. The Bad News:
Royals pitching coach John Cumberland was forced to fall on
his sword June 30th. He was replaced for the year by the Royals
"Roving" pitching coach Mike Mason. At the break no
Royals starting pitcher has a winning record. Team ERA is 5.10.
Starters have only 2 complete games and 1 shutout, all by Darrell
"The Big Puss" May, who has an excellent chance to lose
20 games this year on his current pace. At the break the Royals
have 10 guys on the DL including Randa, Affeldt, Santiago, Juan
Gone and Aaron Guile. The season starts back up again in three
days. I can't bear to watch.
Sunday 7/25: The Royals hit the official "nobody cares
anymore" stage this morning. KC Star sports page didn't even
list the doubleheader results until page 5. That's a very bad
sign for the Royals, especially in their efforts to draw any fans
at all in the second half of the season. They deserve to be ignored.
They're 3 and 7 in their last 10 games. Following today's Sunday
afternoon game in Cleveland they were swept for the ninth time
this season. The Bufued Blue Crew are 19 games out in the worst
division in baseball. Only the Arizona Diamondbacks have fewer
wins, and last week they fired their manager. Royals road record
is 13 and 35. Pathetic. The Good News: Only 65 more games
left in the season. THANK GOD Chiefs start training camp in River
Falls, WI this coming Thursday. Joe Randa came off the DL from
knee surgery yesterday and wowed everyone by going zip for three.
That should help his trade value. Juan Gone was last seen loafing
around right field in the Arizona Rookie league. He's been on
"sore back sabbatical" since May 21st. Kevin Appier
officially retired yesterday. He's the only smart guy on the team.
Bad News: Rookie phee-nom starter Zack Greinke went to
the hill today to try and prevent the Tribe sweep. No dice. He's
2-8 with a 4.57. The really bad news is he's the best starter
we've got. Still no Royals starter with a break even or winning
record. Want to talk defense? Ah-Hell! Berroa has made an error
in five straight games, and leads all AL shortstops with 18 errors.
Hey, at least we're first at something. Want to talk batting?
Starting catcher John "The Buck Stops Here" can't hit
his weight, clocking in at a embarrassing .164. He better start
looking for an apartment in Wichita. Brown, Guile, Juan Gone,
Santiago and Stinnett still on the DL. Carlos Beltran is still
in Houston. Astros are still a game under .500 and 13 back of
St. Louis, so they bite the bag too, if that's any consolation.
Tuesday 8/24: Last night the Chiefs whacked the Rams 24-7
on Monday Night Football. The Summer Olympics in Athens are winding
down. And the Royals are 25 games out in the AL Central. Last
night's KC-Anaheim game was buried on page save of the KC Star.
The Royals don't deserve much more. So even though I haven't written
anything in a month, my comments will be brief. There has been
some good news, although the Royals continue to lose six or seven
out of every ten games played. They have won a couple of series
in the last month, and they've actually played a couple decent
games. I was glad they beaned Ichiro the other day. He ruined
my birthday last year, hitting a grand slam in the ninth off Wild
Thing MacDougal. Ichiro should know to watch his ass in Harry
Truman's hometown! The Good News: The Royals inducted Denny Matthews into the team hall
of fame. He's been on the broadcast team since day one, and it
was nice to see the front office recognize him for thirty plus
years of service. He's a class act. It's a shame he's had to suffer
through the last few years watching crappy baseball. Angel Berroa
was sent down to Wichita to work with Frank White on his defense,
and was re-called to the bigs yesterday. The good thing was we
got to watch Andres Blanco play short for a couple weeks. This
kid can flat play defense, and he hit .364 in his second trip
up to the majors this year. If he can put on a little muscle,
the Royals will seriously have to consider moving Berroa to second
base to make room for the kid. Bad News: Sweeney is probably
going on the DL with a bad back again. As soon as the Royals gave
him a mega buck five year contract, his back went in the tank.
Royals might have to try Calvin Pickering as DH next year. Pickering
hit three dingers in the last two games. His problem is he's old
for a rookie (28 years old) and he's fat (260 lbs is generous).
Imagine having to feed him and Ken Harvey in the same season!
Hey...we're a small market team! Juan Gone is maybe gone for good.
His back has been shot all year, and I don't think there are any
teams left who will gamble on this guy making a contribution for
the kind of money he demands. Last night the Royals had three
guys under the Mendoza line in the starting lineup: Guile, Buck
and Gotay. At least Guile hit a dinger to break a zip for twenty
hitless streak. The Royals have played more than 50 guys this
year. There's nobody left to call up in September! My pal Gary
and I went to KC-Texas game last Friday night. At least Kauffman
Stadium is a pretty place to be on
a Friday night in KC. Oh...if we could just win more than three
or four times in every ten games. Meanwhile, Carlos Beltran (remember
him) became a 30-30 player (homers and stolen bases in one year)
for the Astros. Man, I hate the modern labor politics of baseball.
Wednesday,
9/1: Well, September is finally here, and the front page of the KC Star
has a picture of the old GA section, with NOBODY sitting out there at all. Hey,
the
team is on pace to lose 105 games, which would put them in the top 25 of worst
major league teams ever. Hey, if you're gonna suck donkey balls, I say go for
it! Last night the Royals squeaked out a 9-8 win over the Tiger Kitties. Lineup
has two guys hitting under .200 and nobody hitting over .280. Berroa made his
25th error of the season, one more than his season total for all of 2003. Royals
blow. End of story. My main reason for writing today is because of last night's
historic ass kicking laid on the Yanks by Cleveland. The Tribe pounded Steinbrenner's
bonus babies 22 to ZIP; the worst ass kicking EVER in 101 years of Yankee's baseball!
God Bless Cleveland. They're only seven games back of the Twinks. I think I'll
pull for the Tribe in the Central, just because they pounded the Yanks IN THE
BRONX!!! What a beautiful thing!
