George Blowfish Is A Small Fry
1959:
George Blowfish is born in Kansas City. His mom and dad's hopes
and dreams for a bright future are immediately dashed, as George
develops a rebellious streak right off the bat. Mom and dad realize
they've got a real problem on their hands, and decide George
should live in the basement, where he won't be seen or heard.
1968:
George Blowfish enters third grade at Carlisle Elementary School.
George looks like a nice enough young man, but in reality is still
a troubled youth. George gets suspended for two weeks for rendering
the third grade's class picture unusable. George explains to his
parents that he was only trying to express his frustration and
adolescent angst, as his mom dressed him up for school every day
like a major dork. George is taunted,
threatened and chased home from school regularly by the fifth
graders.
1969:
George gets suspended again right before school ends for the summer.
This time he vandalizes the globe in his fourth grade classroom.
George felt an overwhelming urge to poke holes along the equator
with a number two pencil. He would have gotten away scot-free,
except Chrissy the class snitch saw George do it and finked
on him. As punishment, when George's birthday rolled around in
July, instead of the 5-speed bike he
wanted, he received THE GLOBE WITH THE HOLES poked in it that
his parents had been forced to buy from the school district. Consequently,
George decided he wanted to become President
of the United States, so that one day he could drop nuclear
bombs ALL AROUND THE WORLD ALONG THE EQUATOR!
