"A Happy Pig is a Tasty Pig." Who can argue with that? It's pretty hard to get bad BBQ anywhere in Kansas City. But some BBQ pits are better and far more authentic than others. I've wined, dined, sipped and sucked at just about all of them. If you want the local Chamber of Commerce slant, look here. There's 108 different grease pits you can choose from. But here's the BBQ Gospel according to Blowfish. I have not been pressured by the Soviets to alter my voting in any way, shape or form. Don't be afraid to get messy and have a good time. Opinions are strictly mine, but I do know what I'm a-talkin 'bout! Can I get a witness? I measure my satisfaction in terms of "happy pigs":

4 happy pigs (best in the city):

ARTHUR BRYANT'S BBQ: Bryant's is world famous for a good reason. This is the real deal. If at all possible, visit the original location at 18th and Brooklyn instead of the store in the Ameristar Casino or the one in Legend's next to the NASCAR track in KCK. Bryant's make two excellent sauces. The original tart bright red sauce, and a rich, sweeter sauce that's great on poultry. The fries are among the best, cooked in lard, so bring your own defibrillator. Tip: You can get a combo sandwich that includes ribs as one of the meat choices. The sandwiches are as big as your head, so don't be afraid to share. The help is real friendly, and don't miss the 18th and Vine district just a couple of blocks away with the Jazz Museum, Negro Leagues Baseball Museum and the Gem Theater. This is truly the most hallowed temple of BBQ. Go here first. You won't regret it.

GATES & SONS BBQ: Also world famous, Gates is the most popular BBQ with the locals.There's multiple locations around the city, but 12th and Brooklyn downtown is most authentic. Gates has some of the best ribs served anywhere. Get a short end, they're meatier than a long end. BBQ beans are great, fries not as good as Bryant's or LC's. Weirdest thing about Gates is that they scream at you when you walk in. It's fun to watch the tourists cower in fear. Worst things about Gates is the counter service is very inconsistent. Sometimes it's good, sometimes the help are clueless and rude. You'd think Ollie Gates would pay better than skinflint wages. Hell, he charges over ten bucks for a sandwich and fries! Gates makes various sauce flavors, but stick with the classic original Gates sauce. It's one of a kind. I have to have some every week to keep my mojo workin'.

ROSEDALE BBQ: This is a sleeper, but one of my favorites. One of KC's oldest BBQ's, located in KCK (that's shorthand for Kansas City, Kansas for the tourists). Hands down the best value if you don't mind a paper plate. You get a BBQ dinner with three amazing sides for less than $7. Ribs are fatty, not as good as Gates or Bryant's, but great chicken and turkey. Some people think the brisket is too dry. I like it. Rosedale has very good sides, great cole slaw and crispy crinkle cut fries. Best of all you can get soda in a can or bottle, or a quart of beer in a bottle with your meal! Sauce has a sweet, fruity kick that's unique. The counter help is friendly. This is an old fashion neighborhood place with no pretensions. By far the best BBQ value for the buck.

3 happy pigs: (Very Good, each has shortcomings):

L.C.'s BBQ: L.C. has a couple of stores, but the original on Blue Parkway is my favorite. Dinky little store, you're right in the cook's lap when you order. The sandwiches are HUGE. Fries are as good as Bryant's, but again, bring a defibrillator. Beans are very good too. Downside is the store doesn't seem very clean. Floor is usually greasy, and dining area is like sitting in L.C.'s rec room. Service is always on the slow and lazy side.So don't go here if you're in a hurry. Sauce is OK, but not a classic like Gates or Bryant's. If you can get past a little grease, the attitude and an out of the way location, L.C.'s is fine hometown KC style BBQ.

FIORELLA'S JACK STACK BBQ: This is KC's "Haught Cuisine" BBQ. Actual sit down, order from a menu type restaurant. Multiple locations including Overland Park and the Plaza, but the best is downtown by Union Station. It's in a cool old railroad freight house building. Jack Stack makes BBQ for the Yuppie Banker/Lawyer set. It's very good, but doesn't have the soul of Bryant's or Gates. BBQ beans are the best side. The unique thing about Jack's is unusual dishes like baked corn and BBQ seafood. Jack's is also among the most expensive BBQ's in town. The service is good, the presentation is good and the variety is very good. Sauce is not nearly in the class of Bryant's or Gates. The tourists love it because it's nice, safe and upscale. Overall, it's a good choice and a quality place, but it'll cost you. (Not as white bread as KC Masterpiece...I'll get to that later.)

Blvd BBQ: Called "Danny Edwards Blvd BBQ," transplanted from the old Downtown location. Was formerly a tiny joint known as Lil' Jakes, with the best slogan: "Eat it and Beat It!." Moved because of the new Sprint Center downtown. They're now located at 2900 Southwest Boulevard, next door to Ponak's Mexican Restaurant. Same food, more room to sit. I got a carry out order of a beef sandwich, fries and beans. Fries similar to Bryant's, but not as good. Beans were excellent, tasty with lots of meat.The sauce is darkish red, almost coffee color with a great blend of hot and spicy. My only beef was the restaurant had flies buzzing around everywhere. That's one reason I got mine to go. If they can invest in a couple of pest strips, the atmosphere will be much better. Food is quite good, a little pricey compared to Rosedale BBQ, which is about a mile and a half to the west.

OKLAHOMA JOE'S BBQ: Original Oklahoma Joe's started out (and is still found) in a gas station in KCK. Many KC barbecue fans swear this is their favorite dark horse BBQ joint. I think it's very good, but not with the same history or world famous status as Bryant's and Gates. Sauce has two varieties, hot and mild. Meats are very good, and the unique side dish is jambalaya (better than most of the BBQ side dishes.) Fries have a little too much seasoned salt for me, BBQ beans are just OK. Okla Joe's opened a second store in the Johnson County suburbs, 119th and Strang Line Rd. in Olathe, KS. I've recently been in the new store a couple times, and its one of the nicest dining rooms in town. Very well done. Many people swear this is KC's absolute best BBQ joint, and you'll certainly have a good meal there. It's just not in my personal top three. Probably 3 1/2 piggy rating.

THE FILLING STATION BBQ: Like Oklahoma Joe's, the Filling Station is exactly what its name sake says. It's an old 1930's era Texaco station modified into a little BBQ restaurant in downtown Lee's Summit, one of KC's white bread affluent suburbs. But it IS old school, in the older town square section and looks like something out of Mayberry RFD. Very cool old gas pumps outside and gas station memorabilia inside. The dining room is tiny - as you can imagine since its literally an old Texaco gas station- with barstools and raised tables. It's clean as a whistle, and the food comes out fast. Brisket was a little dry, the home-made style white bread they served it on was very tasty. On another occasion I had a rib dinner. Ribs were very meaty and smoky, just a little fatty but not bad. Fries were plentiful but a little lame, kind of like Burger King fries. Beans were OK, had a little chili powder in them, not my favorite put passable. I was very impressed with the sauce. Very unusual, a cross between salsa and sweet southern BBQ sauce; and chunky, with pieces of pepper and onion in it. It was tangy and surprisingly good, and really punched up the otherwise dry brisket. On the negative side, they have no liquor license. BBQ with no beer is shameful, Shameful! They do have red cream soda, which is absolutely the best soda for washing down BBQ. One other oddity, they have a "non-smoker" menu for people who don't like BBQ. WHAT YOU TALKIN BOUT, WILLIS????? All in all, a fun place to visit because of the unusual decor, and a decent BBQ meal to boot.

FAMOUS DAVE'S BBQ: Address is 1320 Village West Parkway in KCK just down the street from the Kansas Speedway. UPDATE: There's also a Famous Dave's in the Power & Light District, downtown KC, next to the Sprint Center. This is the most convenient BBQ in walking distance from the Sprint Center, and a nicely done BBQ joint. I have to admit, I was a little prejudiced about this place going in. How could Dave Anderson, a Native American Guy from Minnesota, know jack about world class BBQ, and then have the stones to open a restaurant in the mother of all BBQ towns and hope to compete? Apparently, Dave sees himself as the BBQ Kung Fu Master, traveling the world to learn the secrets of true BBQ bliss. On his website he elaborates on his BBQ travels:

"Growing up in Chicago, Dave's passion for ribs began as a young boy when his dad would bring ribs home from work. His dad worked with construction workers,who often returned from their lunch break with the best tasting slow-smoked spare ribs from street corner vendors who used 55 gallon smokers filled with charcoal and smoldering green hickory wood.They were the legendary ribs just like the champion pitmasters used to smoke in the deep South. Striving to make the best barbeque anyone had ever tasted, Dave spent more than 25 years crisscrossing the country trying the best (and worst) barbeque available from every barbeque joint he could find. His trips to these most famous bastions of barbeque were like "pilgrimages" to the most "hallowed shrines" of barbeque! Kansas City is known for some of the greatest Bar-B-Que in the world and as a place where Dave spent a lot of time learning about Bar-B-Que. That's why the Kansas City style of Bar-B-Que played a role in Dave's development of his secret Bar-B-Que recipes."

I must admit I was pleasantly surprised. Dave's is kind of a weird kaleidoscope of influences and borrowings from other establishments. The vibe is "Lutherans meet Methodist AME in Fargo for a BBQ Cookout." Dave's restaurant decor reminded me of the old Bodine's BBQ at Bannister Mall. It's a little like Fuddrucker's as the food comes in a basket. It's a little like Chili's because there's eye candy crap all over the walls, there's a 30 minute wait to be seated, you get water soaked mushy corn on the cob with your meal and you're served by a perky 20-something theme uniformed wait staff. The bottom line is the BBQ. It was very good, surprisingly good for a chain restaurant. Here's the pluses and minuses: The brisket was excellent, tender and cut into bite sized rectangular cubes. The beans were hot when served (which is a biggie with me) but the portion was small; only about five spoonfuls. Fries were wedge cut and average, not even close to the quality of Bryant's or LC's. The pork ribs were very good. Meaty, flavorful and not fatty. The worst thing about the ribs is Dave's menu calls them "St. Louis Style" which is a serious slap in the face to any true KC BBQ lover. Everyone knows St. Louis don't know jack Sh*t about BBQ. Need proof? Just sample some Maull's BBQ sauce, the "St. Louis King of BBQ Sauces." It sucks like a Hoover. In fact, it's so bad Maull's makes a "KC Style" BBQ Sauce. Case Closed. One of the things I liked best about Dave's was a sauce sampler pack on the table. There were six different sauces, covering a wide spectrum of BBQ styles. There was a jalapeno "make you sweat hot " tomato based sauce called "Devil's Spit"; a "Texas Pit" sauce which was more like the KC traditional style sauce, a Georgia Mustard sauce, and a couple of sweeter milder sauce blends. It reminded me of going to IHOP and having six different pancake syrups on the table. All the sauces were good, and the Georgia Mustard sauce was interesting. You don't usually see mustard based sauces in KC, but it's the sauce style in the Carolinas and the southeastern states. Beer was too expensive. They charged four bucks a bottle for Leinenkugel (Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin, eh?). Dinner for two was right around $40, which is pretty high, right up there with Smokestack and Gates. The wait staff was very good, and you get a "wet nap" to wipe up with after the meal, which comes in handy when sucking on BBQ ribs. All in all, a better than average BBQ experience, but not quite among the city's "Elite" BBQ.

Johnny's BBQ: Address is 5959 Broadmoor, right next to the Mission KS Post Office. They also have a store in Olathe, KS. This is a low key family style BBQ joint with a pretty good menu. They also have shrimp, fish, chili and appetizers. I stopped in for lunch and had a daily special; a ham and beef brisket sandwich, some fries and bbq beans. Meal was around eight bucks for the aforementioned items. Brisket was OK, ham just OK, sandwich was served on a hamburger bun. I like it better on Wonder Style white bread, but that's just me. Beans were very good, lots of meat bits, but the single serving portion was pretty small for what they charge for it. Fries and sauce were very similar to Rosedale, and was the best part of the meal. They do have beer, which is a must for a BBQ joint. Pickle was a kosher dill wedge, soggy and limp. Zarda's serves the same kind of dill pickle. Yuck. Sliced dill chips like Gates and Bryant's serves is a much better way to do pickles as a BBQ side. Seating was tables or booths, comfy, but I noticed that the carpet was FILTHY! Need to either go with a tile floor or replace that rug. Food was hot, service was quick, all in all an OK experience, but not as good as the other three pigs on this list, not quite as bad as the two pigs on this list.

2 happy pigs: ( Very average. Eat here if you look like this:)

KC MASTERPIECE: The Pat Boone of KC BBQ. Multiple locations, nice presentation, meats are usually OK. Portions are small for the money. Sauce is grocery store mild, lowest common denominator and has no soul at all. Coming to KC on a BBQ pilgrimage and eating here is like going to San Antonio for Mexican food and eating at Taco Bell. Not the best choice compared to other alternatives.

ZARDA'S: Similar to KC Masterpiece, except the dining rooms aren't as nice. The ribs are better. Very average sides, beans and fries are average to maybe a little better than average. The lunch specials are reasonably priced and filling. Meats are pretty good, sauce just doesn't have the signature zing. They make a couple different flavors of sauce, just nothing that stands out like Gates or Bryant's. Both the stores in Blue Springs and Lenexa have a drive thru window, and I wish more BBQ places in KC offered the same. Overall, maybe a 2 1/2 pig choice, just not as good as the other 3 pig selections.

HAYWARD'S PIT: Reasonable, very average quality Johnson County Yuppie Suburb BBQ. Decor hasn't changed much in 25 years. Sauce is a little better, but portions are on the small side compared to other places in town.They have carry out, and some decent lunch specials. No stand out dish that's better than anyone else in the city. Beans are good, but not among the city's best. Most annoying feature: they have a Hayward Spears love-fest in the foyer, about what a rags to riches story Hayward is. OK, he got rich making BBQ. That's not unique in KC. Ollie Gates has lost more jack at the crap table than Hayward will make in ten lifetimes! Hayward should get back in the game and improve his restaurant. Modernize, re-decorate, make better BBQ.

BATES CITY Bar B Que: On the far east side of the KC Metro. White bread honky farmer BBQ, served cafeteria style. It's the best restaurant in Bates City, but it's probably the only restaurant in Bates City. It's been awhile since I'd been there, so I stopped in recently (April 2007) and gave it a second try. Had a beef sandwich, which was served on a hoagie bun with sesame seeds, and the brisket was a bit rubbery and overcooked. Had a big bag of home cut fried, kind of like Bryant's, but cut much thinner. They were a bit on the cold side. It was a big sack full, but a big sack full of tepid, greasy spuds. Not so great. Beans were very average, very pork n' beany. Not much meat or spice kick, but the serving was large. The worst part was ordering it carry out. The sandwich was on a paper plate, the fries in a sack, the beans in styrofoam, coke in styrofoam.They didn't even bag it up. With my drink it was a juggling act to get it all to the car. Very poor handling of carry out. If you're on the way east side of the Metro, you can eat here, but you can drive 20 minutes west and get a much better meal at Gates in Independence.

EARL QUICK'S BBQ: In a wretched part of KCK. Ribs are their signature item. The ribs are fatty and are the consistency of pot roast. If you like that kind of thing, you can buy a slab on special for $9.50 on Wednesdays.About fifteen years ago, the guy I was with got his car stolen while we were inside having lunch. I went back a couple of years ago, just to see if the place had improved. The inside is reasonably clean and suitable for a sit down lunch, and the help is friendly. The meats are less than average, sides are less than average too, especially the BBQ beans. Sauce is very average, a little runny and on the hot, spicy side. You can do much better in KCK at Rosedale BBQ, just about a mile or so down the road.

B.B.'s LAWN SIDE BBQ: Funky roadhouse style building, kind of a combo of Louisiana Cajun and Texas BBQ. Best thing is the atmosphere; the jukebox has the best blues in town. BBQ is pretty average. This place is more about the venue, less about the food. Good place to party and get a decent meal.

WINSLOW'S BBQ: Downtown in the River Market. Very average, you can eat outdoors in good weather. Convenient to downtown KC. Make sure to visit the Arabia Steamboat Museum if you're in the neighborhood. Only BBQ in the River Market area, which is an advantage for them.

Smokehouse BBQ: Multiple locations in the suburbs. Nice sit down dining rooms like KC Masterpiece or Jack's Stack, pretty good value for lunch with a variety of sandwiches for a reasonable price. Smoked meats are usually good, ribs are average to less than average, sauce is among the worst of the major BBQ places, no bite and no character. Beans are the best side, fries are lame lame lame. Most disquieting thing about this place is its logo, which is a pig cooking and eating itself. The horror...the horror...

RJ's BOB-BE-QUE Shack: This place is more like a small neighborhood bar than a BBQ shack. Small dining room, full bar, very cozy and laid back.They have live music some evenings. A couple things that are unusual here. One is that the guy who started the place (Bob) is a classically trained chef and worked in several Gilbert-Robinson restaurants before striking out on his own as BBQ slinger. Another weird twist: this is the only BBQ joint I know of that also has a brunch buffet on the weekends, doing ham and eggs, B's&G's and such. I stopped in for a carry out lunch order, basic beef/turkey combo sandwich and fries, and a large coke. The good points: The service was fast, food was hot and the coke was really big, probably 24 OZ. The turkey was very good, moist and tender. Bread on the sandwich was home made white bread and very good. Pickle chips on the side were a bread and butter style pickle chip, sweet and tangy, which I liked very much. I think the pickles were among the best I've tasted at a local BBQ joint.The bad points: sandwich, fries and a Coke cost me around $11. That's about the same as a combo, fries and drink at Gates! Way too expensive for what was delivered. The sandwich was a medium portion, not huge like Bryant's or LC's. Fries were nothing special, had seasoned salt on them similar to Oklahoma Joe's. Brisket was very un-even and not a lot of smoky flavor. Some of the brisket strips were fatty, tough and hard to swallow. Sauce was their "hot" variety, and tasted like it had some kind of chemical heating agent, like some kind of hot pepper sauce. All in all, it was an OK meal, but because of the high price I would think twice about going back. I think it would be more fun as a night spot to do some drinking with friends and take in some live music. The BBQ is just an extra bonus.

Bodacious Bar-B-Q: Another far east side of the Metro BBQ joint, this one in a truck-stop mecca, Oak Grove, MO. The BBQ shack is right next to a couple of major truck stops, just a quarter mile or so South of I-70, and they give truck drivers a discount on their meals. Much like Bates City Bar-B-Que, everything served in styrofoam. Food is very average, sauce less than average, extremely small dining room. Carry out is probably a good idea. Nothing to go out of your way for, but if you happen to be driving a truck through Oak Grove, give it a try.

1 happy pig: (Don't waste your money here...you can do better)

Rib Crib: 19801 E. Valley View Parkway, Independence, MO: This is chain restaurant, with headquarters in Tulsa, OK. They have stores in seven states. This particular location is newly opened, and the inside looks a lot like Chili's or a million other chain restaurants. I got a carry out order of beef brisket, fries and beans. Price was not obscene, about ten bucks. The good things: Presentation was nice, and if you get food to go they give you everything you need; plastic eating utensils, wet nap, BBQ sauces in little pre-sealed packets. The beans were hot and tasty, the best part of the meal. The not so good things: Sauce, both mild and "bold" sucked the gas pipe. Tasted like Kraft out of the bottle, man it was extremely lame. The brisket looked pretty and was nicely sliced, but was cold. It was literally cold. I hate paying for cold food. The fries were ultra lame. They were warm, but were like Burger King fries with some seasoned salt sprinkled over top. The beans were good, but portion was small, maybe two tablespoons full. The overall quality of food and quantity of food was a little disappointing for the price. So like most chain restaurants, they're big on presentation, lots of neon and eye candy inside, but the BBQ was hampered by the "Applebee's" approach to mass merchandising food. No real BBQ soul at all. Since they built this place right off the interstate by motel row, I'm sure the tourists will keep it busy. But it's not representative of real KC BBQ. On Tuesday night after 5pm they have an "all the BBQ ribs you can eat" special. There's some rib eatin' mothers in KC who might bankrupt them. I didn't try the ribs, so I don't know if they're any good or not. On the menu they look like Chili's baby back ribs. No big deal.

Wyandot Barbeque: 8441 State Ave, KCKS: Old BBQ joint about three or four miles east of the Kansas Speedway on State Avenue (also called US Hwy 24/US Hwy 40). Stopped in on a weeknight around dinner time. The parking lot was dirty, trash strewn around, not a very good neighborhood. Inside, the place was very crowded, way, way too small for the number of tables and stools in the dining area. They really try to shoehorn people in there. Had one poor overworked girl behind the counter, taking orders and money. Took about 15 minutes to get my meal, a carry out order of ribs, beef, turkey and fries. Fries were pretty good, served up like Rosedale BBQ, crinkle cut, in a waxed paper bag. The ribs were a lot like Earl Quicks. Very fatty, almost a pot roast consistency. Turkey was dry, which was amazing because it sat in a pool.of drainage water at the bottom of my styrofoam container. The brisket was by far the WORST I've had in KC. Fatty, tough, stringy, overcooked, just flat out terrible. Sauce was a little like Rosedale, but not nearly as good. Food was reasonably cheap, my combo dinner was around eight bucks. But very disappointed in the quality of the meats. Really really poor compared to other BBQ places in KC. They need to bulldoze that building and start over. It's just hopelessly crowded, dank, dirty and icky. Much better meal (for more money, but worth it) about a mile up the road at Famous Dave's. Wyandot also has a second store a couple blocks west of Metcalf and 75th St.in Overland Park. Service there is better, but the food is just as disappointing.

Big Bubba's BBQ 16693 151st. St. Olathe, KS: Johnson County is by far the biggest, whitest Cleaver Family county in the KC Metro. Deep in Olathe, in a strip mall at 151st and Mur-Len, is Big Bubba's BBQ. First of all, there seems to be several BBQ places across the USA that call themselves "Big Bubba's". If you do a Google search, there's a chain in California, and a place in Vermont among others. These out of town Bubba's websites are well done. I checked out Olathe's Big Bubba's website, and it looks like somebody's HTML high school project, and definitely a crappy work in progress since 2005. I stopped in to Olathe Big Bubba's for a late lunch after seeing one of my clients out in Olathe. When you walk up to the entrance of Big Bubba's,next to the front door is an open shed full of junk. The same kind of junk you'd have in your garden shed at home. OK, I like tools as much as the next guy, but its not too cool to have your tool shed sitting right by the front door of your restaurant. Inside, there was no menu on the wall, instead, a 3-ring binder notebook on the counter with the basic menu. Trying to read it was like being at your in-laws house looking at baby pictures. Ultra-Lame. Besides the standard BBQ fare, there was "Bubba's Club Sandwich" and "Bubba's Burgers," usually not a good sign for excellent BBQ. I ordered a large combo beef and turkey sandwich, fries and beans, and a Coke. They took my name, handed me a styrofoam cup and I went to the dining room to make my own Coke and sit down. The dining room had old cafeteria style tables with red and blue vinyl tablecloths from around 1973, black padded chairs and some typical eye candy kitsch including fake antique signage and old autographed guitars strapped to the wall. The styrofoam cup was a precursor to the styrofoam plate and plastic ware supplied for inside dining. I'm not necessarily against styrofoam plates, it's just usually not a good sign for what is to follow. As I'm waiting for my meal, the stereo suddenly is cranked up to the local "Hot Young Country" station, blaring out Travis Tritt, Alan Jackson, and whoever's today's latest Nashville homo in a cowboy hat. Meanwhile, the staff -which consisted of a pierced high school chick, a couple twenty something guys and an older guy working behind the counter- all got up and went outside, all at the same time, sat on a bench out front of the restaurant and took a smoke break. Literally all at the same time. No visible employees left on the inside, all outside, sitting out front, smoking. When my meal was finally ready after a cigarette and a ten minute wait, the food came up. And as expected, it was disappointing. The combo sandwich was served on a hamburger bun, and was small for $11. Small compared to other places like L.C.s or Bryant's, who really give you your money's worth. The brisket was cold, and was not well trimmed, there was pieces of fat throughout the beef. The turkey didn't taste like smoked BBQ turkey, it tasted like Oscar Meyer grocery store turkey. The fries were crinkle cut and wide, and looked batter dripped. When tasted, they had a funky freezer burn aftertaste, like they'd been in the deep freeze too long before finding their way to a deep fryer. It's hard to screw up french fries, so, not good at all. The sauce was similar to Jake Edwards, but not nearly as good. It had a dark coffee color, but way too much vinegar. The hot sauce version was nasty, mostly vinegar and pepper sauce. The only saving grace of the meal was the BBQ beans. They were surprisingly very good, a good size serving (in styrofoam), piping hot, had some BBQ sauce in the base, but was toned down by the other elements in the mix for a better balance. Lots of meat, and overall, excellent. I'd put them in the top five in the city. But that was the only good thing. Even the pickle chips on the side were limp and wimpy. This place gets a big fat zero for ambience. It was like the monster truck rally of BBQ. Yee-haw, and I mean that. If you like really loud "Young Country" music, taking a smoke break with the help, styrofoam and plastic cutlery, maybe watching "Deliverance"...(OK, maybe that 's too extreme...) this is the place for you. A much better BBQ experience in Olathe would be to find your way to Oklahoma Joe's, one of the better BBQ joints in town.

Perry Foster's Bar-B-Que: (Now closed): In the old Hooter's restaurant one block east of US 40 Highway and Noland Road. Original (and current) location is in Warrensburg, MO, a sleepy little college town about 50 miles east of KC. Sorry guys, you should concentrate on being a big fish in a small town, because you're not even close to ready for the BBQ big leagues. This was among the worst BBQ I've had anywhere, especially in KC. The restaurant itself featured mis-matched beat up furniture, looked like they got it from a church assembly hall fire sale. Our table had a big gash in the center. No napkin holder, salt or BBQ sauce on the table. Just a big pepper shaker for some reason. Menu's were photocopied white sheets of paper. On the menu the cheapest sandwich was $8, slab of ribs was $20...that's more than Gates! It took about 30 minutes to get two sandwiches, a side of fries and side of beans, and there were only about 20 people in the joint, most of them waiting for food. Apparently the restaurant hadn't gotten it's liquor license yet because the table next to ours went across the street to Hy-Vee and came back with a 12-pack of Bud Light, which they cracked open and passed around. Is that legal in Missouri? I don't think so. When our food finally showed up, the sandwiches were cold, greasy as hell and on hamburger buns. The brisket was grisly and stringy...and I asked for my sandwich lean. The ham-beef combo my wife had was about 50% pork gristle. Worse, both sides were stone cold. The only thing worse than cold fries is cold BBQ beans. The fries were cut skin on and were served on a white styrofoam plate. They were greasy and cold too. Just awful. Beans were pasty,gummy bland, and again stone cold. They get $3.50 for fries and $2.50 for a single serving of beans. Sauce (when we finally got some) was like Maull's St. Louis sauce, brown liquid smoke and runny, and served in a generic plastic bottle that was dirty and covered with greasy fingerprints. Even my dinner check was grease covered. When I went to check out they asked me how my meal was, and I told them it was overpriced and sucked. The cashier went in the back "to see the boss," came back a couple minutes later and said no charge for dinner. I offered to pay (about $26 for everything plus tax) but they said no. I got the feeling I'm not the first customer who told them their food and presentation were sorely lacking. With a Gates location about 3 miles to the West, and with Smokehouse about 3 miles to the East, I don't give this place much chance for survival.You can't charge those kinds of prices in a town that expects world class BBQ. Hell, this would have been a rip off at half the price. Either go back to Warrensburg, or serve something besides BBQ. BTW: I received an e-mail about this review, which can be read under my "GB's Hate Mail" section here. UPDATE MAY 2005: Perry Foster has closed the Independence location after less than six months. The Warrensburg location is still open. If you're going to BBQ in KC, it better be your passion, and you better not be an absentee owner.

After 30 years of chewin' KC BBQ, that's my humble opinion. There's other places in town, but these are the one's I'm most familiar with. BBQ is a lot like politics or religion. Lots of opinions, lots of preferences, lots of arguments, lots of choices, especially here in KC. Here's a good place to learn more from people who'll give you the straight skinny. Think I'm Wrong? Here's where you can make your case.